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I Want to Marry Someone Willing to Revert

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil is asked for advice from a sister who wants to marry someone with a bad past who is willing to revert to Islam.

Question:

Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

I am 20 years old and want to get married to a young man, but he is non-Muslim. He says he is ready to become Muslim, pray 5 times a day, and even go on Hajj. I do not think my parents will agree, as he has a bad past. How do I know if he is meant for me? What should I do?

Answer:

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Islam

“And Allah shall love you and forgive you your sins. Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful.” (Sura Aal Imran 3:31)

Please encourage this young man to embrace Islam as soon as possible. I pray that Allah helps him make good on his Islam, whether or not you get married to him. With sincere practice of the din, please know that all of his past sins are forgiven.

Marriage

In short, once he is Muslim, then your marriage contract to him will be valid. However, because you are young and have not been married before, I strongly suggest that you marry him only with the blessings of your parents. Young marriages are often better able to thrive with family support.

Please speak to your parents about how you want to get married to this young man, after he becomes Muslim. You are right – most parents would be unhappy about their daughter wanting to marry someone with a bad past. However, once he becomes Muslim, then Allah forgives all his bad deeds. The question is whether or not your parents can. In fact, it is obligatory for you and for him to hide his past sin, unless there is some kind of outstanding debt which he needs to pay.

Istikhara

Please perform the Prayer of Guidance as many times as you need to, until you get clarity about how to move forward. Your parents softening towards him could be a positive sign, whereas your parents being firm on refusing his proposal could be a negative sign for you.

Preparation

I encourage you to read Before You Tie The Knot and complete the Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages course.

Please know that love is insufficient for a marriage to work. Marriage thrives when it is within a bedrock of shared values and a commitment to treat each other well, for Allah’s sake.

Sensitive topic

Please forgive me for my bluntness, but if this young man has had previous sexual relationships, then I suggest that he get a blood test done to ensure that he does not have any sexually-transmitted diseases.

May Allah facilitate what is best for you and this young man, in this world and the next.

Please see: Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered.

Raidah

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.


I Was Married Before I Entered Islam. Can I Marry Now That I Am Muslim?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

I converted to Islam a few years ago. When I was Christian, I was married but have been separated from my husband for several years. Can I get married, now that I am Muslim?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. Alhamdulilah, welcome to the fold of Islam! May Allah bring you ever closer to Him.

Separation

Is your first marriage annulled? I strongly encourage you to get your divorce paperwork settled.

Marriage

It would be important for you to disclose to a potential husband that you were previously married, before you entered Islam. The right husband for you would appreciate your honesty.

It would be best for you to marry after your divorce paperwork is settled.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

A comprehensive collection of resources that offer clear and practical guidance on successful marriages. Based on the Qur’an, Prophetic teachings and scholarly wisdom, find out how we can all have marriages that fulfill the worldly and spiritual potential of what the Prophet ﷺ referred to as “half the religion.”

And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them, and He has created love and kindness between you. Surely in this there are signs for a people who reflect. Qur’an [30:21]

Intention, Priority and Purpose

Overcoming Difficulties Before Marriage

Parents and Guardians

Overcoming Differences And A Troubled Past

Converts

Keeping it in the Family

Getting Married The Right Way

Staying Married

Related courses

Marriage in Islam video playlist, with Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, Habib Hussein as-Saqqaf, Ustadha Shireen Ahmed, Shaykh Muhammad Adeyinka Mendes, Habib Umar bin Hafidh and many others.

What is the Best Approach to Take in Convert Marriage Issues?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalaamu alaikum.
I converted to Islam over ten years ago. Since I am Indian, there was a lot of backlash and cultural drama within my family. I found a muslim boy who wants to marry me. My family disapproves completely.I am willing to accept my own suffering over my family’s but I hate that this brother must be hurt in the process. I don’t want to break up my family but I don’t want to forgo half my deen because of their prejudice. Please offer your guidance.

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you in the best of health and states. I am very sorry to hear about the difficulty you are facing. Trials of the heart are often deeply trying, but they are also a swift means to Allah.
Priorities
Your top priority is always the pleasure of Allah. The pleasure of creation, even our parents, is secondary. In particular, the life which your father wants you to lead is not pleasing to Allah Most High.
Parental guilt
Just as some children use tantrums to get what they want from their parents, some parents use guilt-tripping tactics to get what they want from their children.
Unless Allah wills, your father will not approve of your Islam. Flowing from that, he will not approve of you marrying a Muslim man, and raising Muslim children. You are already very attached to this young man. Even if you do end this relationship, what’s the chance that your father will approve of the next Muslim man you wish to marry? It is likely that he will also reject your next Muslim suitor.
It is unrealistic for you to choose celibacy your entire life, just to keep your father content. This stance could breed resentment in you, especially once he passes away, and you find yourself living a life you are unhappy with. It is healthy and normal to want to get married.
Stay far away from sin
“And do not even go close to Zina! Truly, it is a gross obscenity and an evil path (to go down).” [Quran, 17:32]
I am concerned about the danger of you falling into sin with the young man you are in love with. I sense that you are both already deeply attached to one another. If you were to end your relationship, how would you both cope?
It is possible that you will both suffer from deep heartbreak, and lose your high hopes in Allah. Or, by failing to get married, you could both succumb to base desires and shaytan’s invitation to sin.
Istikhara
Pray istkhara about what the best thing for you to do. Be honest with yourselves, and be realistic about the possible outcomes. If you fear falling into sin with him, and you are content that he is a pious man of good character, then I would advise you to consider marriage.
If you fear falling into sin with him, but know, deep down, that he is not suitable for you, then I advise that you end this relationship before your feelings grow even stronger.
Consequences
If you do choose to get married to him, be prepared for the inevitable fallout – your father’s devastation and the ensuing family drama. But, like all things in life, that phase will pass. The question is whether or not your marriage will be strong enough to withstand that level of stress and rejection.
It is normal and healthy for all newlywed couples to want the blessings of both sides of their families. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, especially given the context of your father’s disapproval.
I suggest that both of you listen to the Successful Islamic Marriage class on SeekersGuidance to help you come to a decision.
Maintaining family ties
Abu Huraira reported that a person said: “Allah’s Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment? He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness).” [Bukhari]
‘A’isha reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: “The tie of kinship is suspended to the Throne and says: He who unites me Allah would unite him and he who severed me Allah would sever him.” [Bukhari]
It’s a blessing when converts have families who are open-minded enough to embrace their Muslim child and his/her spouse. It’s a great trial when the non-Muslim family is hostile towards Islam. Regardless, it’s still your responsibility to honour the ties of the womb. Whether or not you choose to marry this young man, strive to always keep in touch with your family, and be that embodiment of the mercy of Islam.
I pray that Allah will soften the hearts of your family members, draw them to Islam, and keep you steadfast and obedient to Allah Most High.
Please refer to the following link:
Marriage Decision: Following One’s Heart
Reader on Istikhara
Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.