How Can I Convince My Beloved’s Parents That They Should Let Us Marry?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
As a Hindu, I have been in a relationship with a Muslim boy for more than 10 years now. We were ready to marry, but we knew his family would not agree. He was not a strictly practicing Muslim, but to make things better, I read about Islam and loved it, and I am a revert now. His family still doesn’t agree because I come from a Hindu background and the ongoing hatred in India towards Muslims.
It is a tough situation, especially for me because we are really serious about each other. We practice Islam now, ma sha’ Allah, and we don’t want to go against our parents. We are already in our late 20’s. How can we proceed?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for taking your religion seriously and wanting his parents’ consent before proceeding with this big decision.
His Parents
I am so sorry that your conversion has not had any positive effect on his parents. Although he doesn’t need their permission to marry, he has to judge what effect this might have on his relationship with them. You must leave it in Allah’s hands. The best thing that you can do is exactly what you are doing now. Learn Islam to the best of your ability, apply it, and your sincerity and duas will always be answered, just in different ways. Increase your knowledge and build a relationship with your lord despite the uncertainty of your future; it can be a means of great blessings.
Supplicate
Pray the Prayer of Need before dawn and supplicate to Allah that the marriage be accepted. This is an auspicious time, as the Prophet has told us, “When half of the night or two-thirds of it is over, Allah the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) until it is daybreak.” [Muslim]
Recite these duas, even in English: Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional Well-being.
Istikhara
Your good character, uprightness, sincerity, and patience are what you can offer to his family. Have you met them often enough? Have you told them about your journey to Islam? Have they had a chance to get to know your character? Pray Istikhara, and ask them to pray it too. If it doesn’t work out, don’t let this drag on; rely on Allah and trust that He wants what is best for you, and submit to the fact that we don’t know what that is. I know it may be heartbreaking, but you and the boy are stronger than you think, and something better might be waiting for you.
Remember this important hadith: Abu Qatada (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Ahmad]
Please see many useful links here: Reader on Parents Rejecting Suitors for Marriage.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
