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I Feel Like I Lost the Man for Me, Because I Ripped up His Number. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

A few years ago, I was going to college with my father on his bike and a boy wrote his number down and threw it on my bag. I tore it up, but now I feel like I lost the man Allah sent to me, and I am unable to forget him. What do I do?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Reflection

Dear sister, I encourage you to read Distinguishing Between Thoughts From Ourselves, Shaytan, and Allah.

Reflect on where you think these thoughts are coming from. Are these thoughts from your lower self, or are they Shaytanic whisperings? Please trust that no good will come from giving in to them.

Repentance

Each time you think of that young man, please make copious istighfar, and seek refuge in Allah from the whisperings of Shaytan. Guard yourself, and your heart. Longing for companionship is normal and healthy in a young woman. Channel that longing towards dua, instead of preoccupying your heart with a man who is not your husband.

Marriage

Your dignity and wellbeing matter to Allah. The right man for you will approach you and your family in the right way, befitting your rank as a Muslimah. Throwing a note on your bag is disrespectful.

I encourage you to enrol in Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. Please learn about the qualities you need to look for in a husband, and what kind of character traits you need to acquire in yourself.

In the meantime, please listen to this free downloadable lesson set – Getting Married.

Prayer

Nothing shuts and opens doors like the powerful Prayer of Guidance. I encourage you to perform it up til 7 times about the young man you are attached to. If Allah sends you a positive sign, then perhaps marriage to him is good for you. If Allah sends you a negative sign, then I pray you will close that door and be content with it.

Connection

What is your relationship like with Allah? There is a special place in your heart that cannot be filled by anyone other than Him. No man can give you that contentment, no matter how wonderful he may be.

Please nourish your connection with your Merciful Lord through prayer, fasting, recitation of Qur’an, dhikr, and any other praiseworthy act of worship.

I pray that Allah grants you the blessing of a husband of deen and excellent character.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
A Reader on Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings)

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

What Is the Nature of Destiny? [Video]

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question: Assalamu alaykum

What is the nature of destiny?

Answer:  Wa’leykum Salam,

Here is a video answer by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani to this question:

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a scholar and researcher of Islamic law and Executive Director of SeekersHub Global After ten years overseas, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in the Summer of 2007. In May 2008 he founded SeekersHub Global to deal with the urgent need to spread Islamic knowledge—both online and on the ground—in a reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible manner. He has been repeatedly listed as one of the world’s 500 most influential Muslims (The Muslim500).

What is the Point in Supplicating?

Answered by SeekersHub Answers Service

Question: Assalam walaikum,

What is the point in supplications if everything is decreed by Allah in advance? 

Answer: Assalam aleykum,

Firstly, supplications can change relative destiny (al-qadar al-mu`allaq) in a manner that is of great benefit to the oppressed, as well as the entire Muslim community. [see:Can Supplication Change Destiny?]

Secondly, it is established from the Holy Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that he prayed for the believers, specifically when distressful events occurred; an example being the occasion of the martyrdom of tens of reciters (qurra’) of the Qur’an in which he prayed against the killers for a month.

Thirdly, it is also an opportunity to increase in gratitude (shukr) for the blessings that one enjoys, and a reminder of the temporal and fleeting nature of this life.

Please see: What’s the Point in Supplicating?

And Allah alone gives success.

wassalam,

SeekersHub Answers Service

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Vulnerability as the Pathway to Virtue – Dr. Ingrid Mattson

Join the conversation regarding sacred wisdom and pathways to non-violence at the 2016 Festival of Faith conference in Louisville, Kentucky with Dr. Ingrid Mattson  as she profoundly connects the viewer and listener to the nature of need as the true human experience and Vulnerability as its gateway.

It seems that all aspects of life stem down to the notion of power or the lack thereof.  Suffering is real; evil occurs and is experienced. What then is  our response? How do we understand and connect?

Dr. Ingrid’s response is real and compelling: “everyone will do what they will do and  my job is to learn in that situation; my job is to see the  opportunity for me to express my reliance and awareness of God’s Power ; to understand what it means to be in need of mercy, to be in need of compassion, and to be in need of justice.”
Vulnerability allows us to have the courage to go forward and try to exemplify prophetic virtues into action for the sake of all of those whose peace is being disturbed.

We are grateful to the Festival of Faith for the video. Cover photo by Bhatti Mashooque

 

Resources for the Seekers:

The Impact of Our Choices – Shaykh Faid Mohammed Said

Oftentimes we pass the hours away not realizing how many choices we are making. We also don’t realize how many opportunities we are missing out on, says Shaykh Faid Mohammed Said.

Syedina Abu Dharr (radiallah anhu), the great Sahabi of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasalam), in sharing his wisdom about the choices we make as humans, said:

“Good company is better than being lonely,

And being lonely is better than the corrupted.

The one that spreads khair is better than the one that is quiet,

And the one that is quiet is better than the one devoid of good words. “

The profundity of Abu Dharr’s (radiallah anhu) statement is that it recognizes that we as humans have wants, and as such he is framing those wants as within a set of impactful choices.

Choices that seem as mundane as eating and talking, can at moments be good and at others not be the choicest.

An example of such being when Imam Shafi (rehmatullah alaih) visited Imam Ahmad (rehmatullah alaih), and when the latter’s daughter commented on the amount of food Imam Shafi (rehmatullah alaih) was consuming, he explained that he had done so because of the blessings in the food that was spread before him!

As we tread through the choices that are spread before us, may Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) facilitate the choicest.

Resources for Seekers

 

Is Asking for Twins Being Ungrateful?

Answered by Shaykh Shuaib Ally

Question: As salam alaykum,

I really want to fall pregnant to twins. There is medication to help increase eggs for a female to increase the chances of falling pregnant to twins. I want to find out if it is permissible to ask for such a thing from Allah. Is it selfish? Am I playing with fate?

Answer:Assalamu ‘alaykum,

I pray that you are well.

It is permissible, and recommended, to ask Allah for any good thing in this life and the next. The Qur’an speaks highly of those who pray, ‘Our Lord, give us good in this world and in the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire’ [Qur’an; 2.201].
Supplicating to God for the good things of this world, such as children, is not considered selfish, or playing with fate. Believers are recommended in the Qur’an to pray, ‘Our Lord, give us joy in our spouses and offspring’ [Qur’an; 25.74].

Moreover, one of our role models, the Prophet Zakariyya – may God shower him with peace – is quoted in the Qur’an as praying for offspring, saying, ‘My Lord, do not leave me childless, though You are the best of heirs’ [Qur’an; 21.89].

Using such pills, if considered medically safe, is permissible.

Please see these related resources:

Infertility: Why does Allah Not Bless Some With Children?

Struggling to Have Children: Ten Key Etiquettes of Du’a

May Allah facilitate for you all good.

Wassalam,
Shuaib Ally

Photo: Jeremy Miles

Is It Haram to Like One’s Beauty and Appearance?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Is it haram to like one’s beauty and appearance, because it can be classified as arrogance? Is it also arrogant to wear nice clothes, put on makeup and do our hair in front of women in order to show off our beauty?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for your concern, grant you clarity in this matter, and guide you to what is pleasing to Him.

Definition of Arrogance

“No one with an atom’s worth of arrogance will enter paradise.” A man asked, “But a person loves that his clothes are seemly and his sandals are seemly.” The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) replied,” Indeed Allah is Beautiful and loves beauty. Arrogance is denying truth and holding people in contempt.” (Muslim)

It is in our nature as human beings to enjoy beauty in its myriad forms. However, it is sinful to look down on others by because we feel superior to them in beauty, wealth, intelligence etc – that is a form of arrogance.

Vanity vs Dignity

“Vanity is when a person deems them self to have some blessing and forgets that it is from Allah and it does not require that a person is looking down on another person. Dignity (‘izzah) is when a person recognizes the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon them (faith, life, health, beauty, wealth, knowledge, prestige, etc) and walks humbly with a recognition of those blessings while not deeming themselves better than others.” From Balancing Confidence and Humility and the Wisdom of Trials from Allah

I strongly recommend that when you feel pleased about your beauty, you immediately remind yourself that this is a blessing from Allah Most High. InshaAllah, this will protect you from vanity.

Showing Off

“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'” [Qur’an, 14:7]

It is unwise to show off anything we have been blessed with. The appropriate attitude to have towards blessings is that one of gratitude (shukr) towards Allah. He is the One who bestows all of our blessings upon us. Whatever Allah grants, He can take away as a means of testing us. The best way to secure our blessings is through having continual shukr, inshaAllah.

Please refer to the following links:

Balancing Confidence and Humility and the Wisdom of Trials from Allah
What is the Difference Between Self Respect and Arrogance?
What is the Islamic Understanding of Pride?

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Free Will and the Divine Decree: A Reader

“And you cannot intend (to do anything) unless it is so willed by Allah, the Lord of all the worlds.” [Quran 81.29]

Destiny and Human Responsibility in Islam

Affirming Free Will and the Divine Decree

Why Does the Qur’an Say Allah Misguides the Disbelievers? The Question of Free Will

Is Iblis Really from the Jinn? Why Is Iblis Blaming Allah for Leading Him Astray?

Do We Have Choice? And Does Allah Prevent That Choice from Being Realized?

How Can Allah Punish Disbelievers If He Is the One Who Veils Them From the Truth?

How Are the Prophets Protected from Error and Sin?

Do We Have Choice? And Does Allah Prevent That Choice from Being Realized?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: As Salaam alaikum,
1. Does Allah create our choices?
2. When we ask Allaah to give someone guidance how does Allah’s help to this person manifest itsef in regard to his free will?
3. When Allaah miraculously saves a Prophet or saves someone from some harm coming from the enemy, is this just Him occasionally stopping the enemy’s free will? Like when the disbelievers didn’t to destroy the spider web on the cave…
4. How do we deal with mentally challenged people? I know they are not responsible in front of God but why do they exist?
Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
Everybody has choice (ikhtiyar), and therein lies the secret of responsibility (taklif) before the Divine.
But there is no such thing as choice being prevented and the like. It is possible that what people wish to do doesn’t always happen as they intended, yet this doesn’t negate choice as people aren’t running the world– Allah is. With that in mind, don’t overcomplicate such discussions lest you put yourself into some degree of hardship.
(1) Allah is the Creator of absolutely everything. The human being has no power in and of himself, and does not create his own actions, yet is responsible by virtue of his being able to act.
(2) Supplication benefits. [see: Can Supplication Change Destiny?]
(3) They had the choice to break the spider’s web, but they chose not to.
(4) There is wisdom in the creation of everything– sometimes such wisdom is apparent and sometimes it is not. Something we can appreciate from the existence of such people is the magnitude of the Divine Favour upon us.
Please also see: Affirming Free Will and the Divine Decree and: Suffering and Divine Wisdom
Consider taking: Excellence in Faith & Action (from Ghazali’s 40 Foundations of Religion) and: Islamic Beliefs for Seekers: Dardir’s Kharidah Explained
And Allah alone gives success.
Tabraze Azam
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.

Destiny and Human Responsibility in Islam

Answered by SeekersGuidance Answers Service
Question: Assalam’aleykum,
What is the relationship between Destiny and human responsibility in Islam?
Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
In this video Shaykh Faraz Rabbani answers a question on “Is Death Decreed by Allah?” in which he explains the Islamic understanding of decree and destiny (qada’ wa qadar) based on the Qur’an and Sunna

And Allah alone gives success.
wassalam,
SeekersGuidance Answers Service
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani