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How Does a Child Deal With Parents Who Fight Each Other?

Answered by Ustadh Abdullah Anik Misra

Question: My question relates to a common practice in my country.  If your parents are fighting amongst each other, and your father is hitting your mother and in response your mother is hitting your father, and both abusing each other and not stopping, and the child can’t just stand there and watch them continue fighting as it is completely morally wrong…

What is the stance that their child (20 yrs old) witnessing all this is suppose to take ?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate,

As salamu alaikum, my dear brother in Islam,

Thank you for reaching out to us.  May Allah the Most Loving make this easy for you and create love in your family.

The upshot is that you should call the police when your parents hit each other.  If that is not possible, you should call some trusted figure to intervene.  Confide in an upright person on each side of your family to mediate.  Emphasize to them how this hurts you, and that it must stop or threaten to take this to an authority.

Domestic Violence is Sinful and Unlawful

Domestic violence is wrong and unlawful in Islam, no matter how common it is in your culture.  It can never be an acceptable mode of disagreement between spouses.   Resolve that you will never allow this to occur in your future marriage, inshaAllah.  It is reported that, “The Messenger of Allah [Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him] never hit a servant or woman [ie. in his life].” [Abu Dawud]

It Is An Obligation to Stop Abuse in All its Forms

Your culture may demand secrecy about these things, but silence is no longer an option.  There is no shame in seeking help, rather it is obligatory to do so here.  It is your choice if you want to firmly restrain the parent who is initiating the aggression until they calm down, or then shield the parent who is taking the abuse, to show them both that this is not tolerable.  Never raise your own hand against either side, as you mentioned you considered doing.  It never solves anything, and you will sin as well.

If the violence escalates, do not hesitate to call any third party, even a neighbor.  Stay respectful through it all, do not join in the yelling, and speak with reason to each of them.  Use love to reach their hearts.  If things don’t change, encourage them to part ways in divorce, for their own sake, if they cannot stop and obey the limits that Allah Most High has set.

Turn to Allah

Realize that Allah the Merciful is sending you through this so you flee to Him in neediness and love.  Turn to Him with patience and prayer, and ask Him to solve this problem.  Your parents still individually love you, but always remember that Allah loves you most of all, and He will never wrong you.

Wassalam,

Abdullah Anik Misra

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani

Domestic Violence Has No Place in Islam: Importance of Rights & Conduct – Sh. Faraz Rabbani

 

 

 

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani spoke on the absolute impermissibility of domestic violence, the importance of the rights of others, the grave consequences of wrongdoing, and upholding the excellence of character in his Friday Sermon at the Brampton Islamic Centre, December 09, 2011. He shows clearly how there is absolutely no place for domestic violence–nor any unjust or wrongful conduct–in the religion of Islam; and that the Prophetic way is to uphold excellence of character, as a means of seeking the acceptance and pleasure of God.

Help SeekersHub (www.seekersguidance.org) continue to provide education without barriers through your ongoing monthly support or a one-time donation: www.seekershub.org/support-us/

 

Dealing With Depression Caused by Unemployment and Loneliness

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq

Question: I would like some help inshaAllah. I attend Islamic courses and feel my imaan is boosted after. But then I cannot maintain this afterwards.

I feel depressed about my life situation such as unemployment and loneliness due to not being able to find a spouse and this gets me down even further. I feel alone and don’t feel that connection even when I pray. I want to read Quran and find solace but something holds me back, I feel too depressed to do so.

Also I would like to add that even though I wish to get married, a part of me is terrified that I will be in an abusive marriage, as I’ve seen the harms caused in such marriages.

Please advise as to what I can do.

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and all who follow them.

Dear Questioner,

Assalamu alaikum,

Thank you for writing to us. I pray you are in good health and iman.

Allah the Exalted says, “When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way.” (Al-Baqarah, 2:186)

A few days ago, I had the pleasure of listening to Dr. Mona Hassan who reminded us of this beautiful ayah of the Qur’an where God Himself speaks to us, lowly slaves, in the singular, promising us that He will respond to our call. Allah is close and even more so to you, because, as our teachers tell us, He is with the brokenhearted.

Don’t let past negative experiences weigh you down. Have a good opinion of Allah that He will send someone who is gentle and kind.

Resolve to stop feeling down and look at what is right in your life in terms of health, youth, community, family. See how you can be of service to others. Be proactive about finding work. And continuously ask Allah for help in finding a lawful income so you can marry and build a family.

Here are some useful articles from SeekersGuidance:

1. How does one perform the Prayer of Need?

2. Are there any invocations to help me find a job?

3. Difficulty in finding a spouse and losing hope

4. Bringing barakah into one’s wealth and life

May Allah Ta’ala grant you ease,

Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
June 10, 2011/Rajab 9, 1432