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Heartbreak and Looking for a Blessed Marriage

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: I fell in love with someone married and we work in the same company. I don’t know what to do. Every time I see him with his wife it kills me inside. I have become depressed and I keep having mental break downs. Please advise me. Should I marry him? Should I leave him?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Practical steps

If I were in your shoes, I would just cut relations with him, and try my best to work in another company. You would not be doing anything haram, but it would make the heartbreak much easier if you just distanced yourself as much as possible.

It doesn’t sound like being a second wife will work out.

Please see: Can the Man I Love Take Me as a Second Wife Despite His Mother’s Disapproval? 

Building on love

We all know the adage ‘Love is blind.’ We all have to direct our deep feelings of love, adoration and obsession to the wider plain of being that it belongs to: Allah Mighty and Majestic.

The is a Persian maxim that goes: Fake love without real love is pointless, yet real love without fake love is pretty difficult. It means that loving this world or its creatures is a fake love that does not mean anything and is just worldliness. However, it is very hard to love Allah and worship Him fully if you have never tasted love, and usually, heartbreak.

Try and make a habit of reciting Surah ‘Qul huwa Allahu ahad’ and focus on Allah as the One to which your heart really turns to and needs.

I would also advise getting the book Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to crafts lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Iman Beyond the Masjid by Shaykh Ahmed Abdo

What is Iman beyond the masjid? Look to the Messenger of God, peace and blessings upon him, and he will light the way, says Shaykh Ahmed Abdo.

If the light of the sinning believer was revealed the light would envelop the entire universe, what then of the light of the Muslim who is in obedience? And what is the source of this light?

It is the sacred way and tradition of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him. His living is good for us, and his death is good for us.

Allah, Sublime and Majestic, granted his noble Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, the concern and authority to view the actions of his Umma and when he sees that which is good he praises his Lord, and when he sees other than good, our noble messenger seeks forgiveness on our behalf.

Step One: Go to the Highest Authority. Go to Allah’s Messenger

We take example from the noble lady Fatima al Zahra who went to her father for all things that happened in her life. In times of worry, in times of pain or suffering, Fatima went to the noble messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him.

When in need go to the Messenger of Allah. He will bring you ease and solve your problems. Go by means of sending blessings. Remember him, send peace and blessings upon him, and he will seek assistance for you.

Follow in his footsteps, and he will light your way. Adorn yourself with his manners and you will be illumined. Then the light of Faith sets in the heart and manifests in every place and action.

Step Two: Seek to become like him

In following in his noble footsteps one learns to live fully. One learns to live faith. Footstep by footstep, day by day one remembers Allah. Faith is the everyday when fueled by intentions.

Every moment is an opportunity to illuminate all of your affairs. An opportunity to bring blessings into your life.

In following in his noble footsteps, in uttering his blessed words and doing what he has done, blessings and peace be upon him, one becomes alive to the reality of existing for Allah. Rejoice in the illumination of faith.

Resources for Seekers:

We are grateful to Othman Bin Affan Cabramatta Mosque for the video.

The Unconditional Rejoicing of the Believer, by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

One of the most important Prophetic traditions of our religion is to always rejoice. A believer isn’t happy because nice things happen, because this life and all that happens in it, is fleeting. We rejoice because of our connection to Allah, the Everlasting. Listen on in this brief reminder from Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.

Beware of Making Eid Boring, by Ustadh Salman Younas

Eid is just around the corner and Ustadh Salman Younas has an important message for everyone, especially for those with children: Eid is not meant to be boring and dull.

Eid is meant to be a celebration. It is a perfect opportunity for us to show our children how our religion balances between worship and leisurely entertainment. We begin our day with charity, prayer, and supplication and continue it with food, family, and fun.
Historically, Eid was celebrated on a grand scale in the Islamic world. During the Abbasid period, the viziers and military soldiers would march in procession wearing their best clothing accompanied by torchbearers. Mosques, palaces, and even boats on the dock would be decorated and illuminated with lights. Tables would be set out for people to indulge in a variety of foods and sweets. People would sing, exchange gifts, visit family, and have an enjoyable time. In some periods, there would be firework displays as well and a number of other entertaining activities.

If you want to be a bore on Eid, then don’t be surprised when your children grow up with zero excitement and love for this prophetic tradition. As the scholar Abu’l Abbas al-Azafi (d. 633/1266) stated, “festivals are an occasion of delight, joys, permissible play, and licit amusement.” But he also noticed that many Muslim children during his time actually grew up as admirers and enthusiasts of Christian holidays/festivals because they were frankly more memorable and fun for them. Sound familiar? Yup, and this is not someone from the 21st century or the 20th century speaking, but a religious scholar from the 13th century.
If you make Eid memorable for your children by partaking in things that elicit happiness and jubilation, it will become endearing to them. So, don’t just pray the Eid prayer while your family sleeps at home and then go off to work. Don’t have your children spend Eid alone. Don’t just hand your children 20 dollars as “Eidi” and be done with it. Take a day or two off and make it something that they enjoy, remember, and can’t wait to experience again.
P.S. for those wondering, al-Azafi did try to “lecture” and “explain” to those children who adored Christian festivals that they had their own festivals. Did it work? Nope. Why? Because it is the actual experience that counts.

Follow Ustadh Salman Younas on Facebook.

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Four Keys to The Most Successful Marriage

What are the four main attributes of the marriage of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) and Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her)? Ustadha Zaynab Ansari discusses them in these four part series for the Muslimah Media Series.

Engagement

Support

Eternal Love

Devoted Parents

Resources for seekers

Cover photo by Fahrurrazy Halil. 

Are You Pursuing Happiness?

Are you pursuing happiness? How do we pursue it in the modern world? Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad discusses the meaning and pursuit of happiness in our lives. He eloquently describes the role of religion and specifically Islam in defining and pursuing happiness.

Shaykh-Abdul-Hakim-MuradShaykh Abdal Hakim Murad, also known as Timothy John Winter, is one of the most influential and highly regarded Muslim scholars in the world today. He is Director of Studies (Theology and Religious Studies) at Wolfson College and Shaykh Zayed Lecturer in Islamic Studies at Cambridge University, United Kingdom. He is Dean of the Cambridge Muslim College, which trains imams for British mosques. He has translated a number of books from the Arabic, including several sections of Imam al-Ghazali’s Ihya’ Ulum al-Din. He is a frequent international speaker and writer and also a regular contributor to the prestigious BBC Radio 4’s prestigious Thought for the Day.

Resources on happiness:

Cover photo by Muhammad Irfanul Alam.

Staying Connected to Your Purpose Even When Your Marriage is Rocky


divorce marriageDo you feel pressured into having a perfect marriage? Do you engage in self-blame or blaming your spouse for imperfections to your marriage? How do you stay grounded – and fulfill your duty as a vicegerent of Allah, which is your primary purpose in life, while facing trials in your home? Ustadha Anse Tamara Gray offers some clear and sound advice at the 2nd Annual Wives of Jannah Online Conference.

divorce Tamara grayResources for seekers:

Full House at Muslim Marriage Seminar

Seekers hub Toronto - Marriage Seminar“Full house with two of our teachers, Shaykh Faraz Rabbani and Ustadha Shireen Fatima Ahmed at SeekersHub Toronto’s Marriage Seminar”, on 14th February 2015. Photo credit: Sadia Qaderi.

Resources for Seekers:
Understanding Marriage – A conversation with Imam Zaid Shakir
Lasting Love: What Makes for Successful Marriage?
When Love is Not Enough
Getting Married Seminar Helped make Marriage A Reality for SeekersGuidance Student
The Intentions of Marriage – Shaykh Ali bin Abu Bakr al-Sakran
Is Marriage Sinful? – Faraz Rabbani
Women, Debts, and Marriage