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What Is the Best Way to Kiss My Parents?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalam alaykum

What is the sunnah/Islamic way of kissing parents? Is it on the palm of the hand, the cheeks, the forehead?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

It is permissible to kiss your parents, and praiseworthy if it will bring happiness into their hearts.

All of the forms of doing this which you have mentioned [hand/cheek/forehead] are acceptable. It is also established that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) kissed Ja‘far between the eyes when he returned from Habasha. [Abu Dawud]

[Nahlawi, al-Durar al-Mubaha fi al-Hazr wa al-Ibaha (63)]

Consider also taking this free course.

And Allah Most High knows best.

wassalam,
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

Is a Divorce Valid If It Was Said Under the Pression the Husband’s Parents? (Shafi’i)

Answered by Shaykh Abdurragmaan Khan

Question: Assalam alaykum,

My husband said to me “I divorce you”. He took me back after. After this, we had an argument and were separated- his mother moved in with him. After this time, we spoke and he sent me a text message saying “I divorce you”. The next day, he did the same and repeated it in text and verbally over the phone three times. However, he says now that he had no choice and was under extreme pressure from his parents to divorce me. Does that invalidate the last two divorce declarations?

Answer: Wa alaykum al-Salam

RasuluLlah sallaLlahu alayhi wasallam said that three things are to be taken serious even when joking: marriage, divorce and raj’ah (retracting one’s wife after divorce). As a result, jurists treated divorce seriously and considered the divorce valid whenever pronounced. The only exceptions were when (1) an individual’s anger, or even depression, reaches such a point where he is no longer in control of what he says or does; and (2) he was coerced in giving the divorce. Note, that he is only considered coerced, if he is threatened with his life, or that he will be badly injured. In addition, if he is coerced to divorce his wife once, but then divorces her thrice, the divorces will be valid as he went beyond that with which he was forced.

It is clear that your husband, even though coerced to certain extent, was still in control of his doings. His life was not threatened, neither did he reach a point of anger where he was unaware of his actions. However, it is unclear from your question whether he formally took you back as a wife (raj’ah) after the first divorce. Raj’ah in the Shafi’i school has to be verbal, whereby the husband explicitly states that I take you back as my wife. If raj’ah did not take place, then there are a number of possibilities. If your ‘iddah (waiting period) expired – which is three clean periods – you were technically no longer his wife and the succeeding divorces will not be valid. If you were still in ‘iddah, the divorces would be valid.

And Allah knows best

Wassalam
[Shaykh] Abdurragmaan Khan

Shaykh Abdurragmaan
received ijazah ’ammah from various luminaries, including but not restricted to: Habib Umar ibn Hafiz—a personality who affected him greatly and who has changed his relationship with Allah, Maulana Yusuf Karaan—the former Mufti of Cape Town; Habib ‘Ali al-Mashhur—the current Mufti of Tarim; Habib ‘Umar al-Jaylani—the Shafi‘i Mufti of Makkah; Sayyid Ahmad bin Abi Bakr al-Hibshi; Habib Kadhim as-Saqqaf; Shaykh Mahmud Sa’id Mamduh; Maulana Abdul Hafiz al-Makki; Shaykh Ala ad-Din al-Afghani; Maulana Fazlur Rahman al-Azami and Shaykh Yahya al-Gawthani amongst others.

Am I Allowed to Hit My Father If He Continues to Commit Major Sins?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

It’s been almost 10 years that my father is committing fornication but I cannot found any way to get him on track.

Am I allowed to hit my father if he continues to commit this sin?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam. I pray you’re well insha’Allah. May Allah make your affairs easy.

While your father’s actions are wrong, it will not be permissible to raise your hands to your father. Instead, you must seek peaceful ways to guide him. If he will not listen after this, then you must accept that he bears responsibility for his own actions. Families can only do what is in their control, and then leave the rest to Allah.

Suggestions

1. Your father may be more likely to listen to someone of his own age. Seek out a reliable confidant, such as a community elder or the local Imam, that you can speak to and ask them to speak to your father.

2. If you father is not willing to listen to anyone, then all that remains is for you to continue to make du’a to Allah to change your father’s ways and guide him. You are not asked to do beyond what is in your ability. At the same time, do not cut your father off. You can disapprove and make clear your position towards his behaviour without severing ties. When you see him, be kind to him, yet also be cautious and do not permit him to take advantage of any kindness, such as asking for money to fuel his habit.

3. Pray the Prayer of Need (Salatul Haja), and recite the following supplication much,

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ

‘O’ Turner of the hearts, keep my hearts firm on your religion.* [Al Tirmidhi]

*Change the word قَلْبِى (my heart) to قَلْبِهِ (his heart) to refer to your father.

May Allah guide your father and bring peace to your family.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

Will I Get Rewarded for a Good Deed If I Receive Benefit From It in This Life?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I live in house which is owned by my parents and our country allows me to save taxes by paying a rent to my parents. Does it reduce my reward on spending on parents if I do that?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam. I pray you are well.

The Prophet ﷺ has said, ‘Actions are according to intentions’ [Al Bukhari, Muslim]. The beauty of this is that if a person intended to do an act of good for the sake of Allah, yet didn’t end up doing it, they would nevertheless get the reward for what they intended.

However, if a person did an act of good for a reason other than for the sake of Allah, then they receive according to that intention.

Intentions

If you made the intention that you would have spent on your parents for the sake of Allah, irrespective of whether you are entitled to tax breaks or not, then your reward in the Afterlife will not be diminished in any way, even if you also receive the benefit of the tax breaks.

If your only intention when spending on your parents was to receive the tax breaks, then the tax breaks in themselves are a worldly blessing, but one cannot categorically say whether you will be rewarded in the next life or not for the act. And Allah knows best.

May Allah increase you in every good, and reward you for your looking after your parents.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

Do I Lose in Reward by Paying a Rent to My Parents in Order to Get a Tax Break?

Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas

Question: Assalam aleykum

I live in house which is owned by my parents and our country allows me to save taxes by paying a rent to my parents. Does it reduce my reward on spending on parents if I do that?

Answer: assalamu alaykum

If you have the sincere intention of paying your parents this rent in order to assist them, ease their burden, and give them the respect they deserve due to what God and His Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) commanded, it is hoped that you will get the full reward of this act even if you benefit from it in other ways.

The most important thing here is to ensure that your intention is not primarily or merely to get a tax break. The way you can know whether this is the case is by asking yourself: would I give this money to my parents if I were not receiving a tax reduction due to it? Why am I doing this?

You should continuously ask God to accept your good deeds and purify your intentions.

[Ustadh] Salman Younas

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Salman Younas graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. There he studies Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir.

The Noble Intention of Parents

From Habib Kadhim Al-Saqqaf – Parenting in the Modern World Raising Pious Children

Translated by Shaykh Ahmed Abdo, during the Australian tour, 2017

The noble intention of mothers, fathers and grandparents has an effect on subsequent generations. That’s why we find great Imams, like Imam Bukhari, Imam Shafi’i, before they were born their parents made noble and pious intentions for their children and look what came of them. It is quite clear that good pious intentions of parents will impact upon their children.

The great Salahudeen Ayoubi, he was the one responsible for the re-opening of Jerusalem al Quds. His father was a little delayed in getting married, however he really loved the scholars and the Awliya and he used to frequently visit the scholars and pious ones. So they used to always say to him “Why don’t you get married?”, and he used to always come up with excuses trying to avoid marriage altogether. They wanted to take him to the various scholars and have explained to him why getting married is good, for you are going to get have children and get lots of rewards. And we have in a hadith that two rakats from a married man is more virtuous than 72 rakat of a man that is single. And he used to say, “I just can’t find the right match”, so the people just left him.

And so one day one of the pious men in the city came to this particular shaykh, and he said look every time someone comes to court my daughter I find that these men are just not good. So this father came with his daughter to the shaykh, in order to have the shaykh persuade the daughter to accept one of these proposals. She was from a poor family, but she was quite knowledgeable, she was quite beautiful, she was intelligent.

When she comes to the shaykh with her dad, he says to her “Why don’t you want to get married? Allah has brought different young men to wed you, however you reject them, you’re intelligent you are understanding, you are beautiful”. And she responds to this shaykh, “I don’t want to get married to any ordinary type of man, the man I want to get married to, I want him to be the father of a child that is not ordinary but is a really pious one that Allah is going to grant victory to the Muslims through.”

At this response the shaykh said, “My daughter, this is a good intention, just wait out until that right man comes who is going to be the father of your children, that will allow the victory of the Muslims. And so whilst this young lady was with her father and the shaykh, some of the men came saying that outside is Najmudeen Ayoub the father of Salahudeen, he wants to speak with you. So the shaykh said to the lady and her father, if you could just move to the side a little I’m going to have a discussion with some other people.

Some people came in with Najmudeen (who was the father of the great Salahudeen) saying that they needed some private time with him. So these other men who were with Najmudeen said to the shaykh, “This is one of our generals of the Ummah of the state, Allah has given him wealth power and control and he still doesn’t want to get married.” The shaykh said to Najmudeen “Why don’t you want to get married? Allah has given you all these things.” And so this man says, “Look shaykh, let me let you in on a secret, I can marry the greatest women of the greatest generals of the army of the Muslims, however I don’t want any ordinary girl. I want a women who understands the importance and value of marriage, I want a woman who will be the mother of a general — a leader of the Muslims. And so the man said, “Shaykh, I don’t care if this women is the daughter of some army general of the Muslims or is from a poor family, it doesn’t really matter, just a girl that understands the value of marriage and who wants to be a mother of a child that will be a general a leader of the Muslims.” The shaykh said, “Don’t you worry my son I have this lady here for you with the same intention.

And so we have here a perfect match of intentions of the man and women who want the same thing from their children and they became the mother and father of this great conqueror and general Salahudeen Ayoubi. Therefore the Muslim man and women should make noble intentions before the birth of the child for that piety, this is first, such that we can produce a generation that holds and bears good and benefit for all people and Muslims.

Notes by Ali Chaudhry ~ Parenting in the Modern World Raising Pious Children ~ Habib Kadhim As-Saqqaf ~ Australia Tour 2017

Can Zakat Money Be Used for Parents and In-Laws to Cover Medical Costs?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalam alaykum

Can zakat money be used for parents and in-laws to cover medical costs?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

No, zakat cannot be given to your parents, but it can be given to your in-laws. Moreover, you cannot simply cover medical costs with zakat funds because there needs to be a transfer of ownership of the wealth.

[‘Ala’ al-Din ‘Abidin, al-Hadiyya al-‘Ala’iyya]

Please see the following related resources: Zakat: How to Calculate & Whom to Give and: Is Your Zakat Due? – A Reader and Resources on Giving Zakat

And Allah Most High alone knows best.

wassalam,
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

What Are the Islamic Rulings Related to Someone Suffering From Dementia?

Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas

Question: Assalam aleykum

My grandma has totally lost her mind. She doesn’t know what she is saying, can’t eat, or relieve herself, so the family need to do everything for her.

a. Is she exempt from prayers?

b. Does she still have to cover herself in the presence of non-mehram man?

c. When taking her up the stairs to the bathroom, at times, I have to help lift her. There are occasions when we make body contact. Is it sinful?

Answer: assalamu alaykum

We ask God to grant your family health and ease.

Regarding your questions:

a. Based on the description you have given, it does not seem like the prayer would be obligatory on your grandmother as she is no longer considered morally-responsible (mukallaf) due to a deficiency in intellect (aql).

b. The basis is that a woman must cover her entire body in front of a non-mahram man except the face, hands, and feet.

However, in the case of an elderly woman who is no longer sexually desirable, a number of scholars stated that it is permissible to look at those parts of the body that are “generally” uncovered in front of her mahrams. This would include her face, hands, head/hair, feet, arms, neck, and shin. [Ibn Qudama, al-Mughni (9:491) & Sharh al-kabir (7:342); al-Buhuti, al-Kashshaf (5:31); al-Mardawi, al-Insaf (8:26)]

c. The general rule is that it is permissible to touch those areas of a woman that are not considered part of her nakedness (awra). The exception to this is (a) if one fears desire in doing so and (b) a non-mahram. In your cases, as your grandmother is your mahram, it would be permissible for you to touch the areas mentioned above. This is especially the case if there is no one else able to properly assist her as it would be a genuine case of need.

[Ustadh] Salman Younas

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Salman Younas graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman. There he studies Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir.

Parents – Your Door to Allah’s Acceptance, by Ustadh Uthman Bally

Sometimes a door to Allah is opened in the form of a good deed, such as praying or giving charity but then the door of acceptance is still closed. Through parents, this final door can be opened. parents the door to acceptanceUstadh Uthman Bally recounts story upon wonderful story of how the relationship with our parents can have a major effect on our futures.

From a companion of the Prophet who couldn’t say the kalima on his deathbed until his mother forgave him for his harsh tongue, to the grandson of the Prophet who would never share a plate of food with her mother for fear that he would take a piece that she wanted. Then there’s the people who gave joy to others that their joy became angels that praised God until the Day of Judgement, and the man who gave away his one good deed.

“You might do a very small act, which then becomes your opening.”

We are grateful to Ha Meem Foundation for this recording

Resources for Seekers

Our Children: Nurturing the Prophet’s ﷺ Spiritual Intelligence, by Anse Tamara Gray

Anse Tamara Gray on how we should nurture the spiritual growth in our children and how we can plant the seeds of Islam in them.

Our thanks to Rabata for this recording. Anse Tamara’s photo is from Altamish + Hannan Photograpy.

 

Resources for Seekers