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Mental Disorders That Affect My Religious Duties

Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle

Question: The discharges I experience are very confusing, and I’m not sure whether or not I should make wudu. Sometimes while checking, I have ended up masturbating, which I know is wrong. The whole situation is making me suicidal. Can you advise me?

Answer: Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear questioner,

Thank you for your really important questions. I pray that Allah gives you clarity, ease and happiness in your religious and worldly life.

Unless you are absolutely certain that the discharge is a sexual discharge, then just ignore it. There is no need to check.

If you have sexual thoughts of the opposite sex, just put the thoughts away and see protection in Allah from the Devil.

If ever you feel the desire to harm yourself or anyone else, you have to speak to someone. If you can’t speak to your parents, then speak to a friend or teacher at highschool. Don’t deal with it by yourself.

Breaking Wudu

If you experience a feeling of moisture coming out of your private parts, you do not have to assume that it is filthy. Rather you should assume the opposite, and just continue with your prayer, etc. For more detail, please see: Do I Need to Renew My Wudu at the Slightest Sexual Thought?

There is no need to check or continually touch yourself to see exactly what it looks like.

I also advise that you take this course: Absolute Essentials of Islam (Hanafi): Getting Started With Your Belief and Practice

Thoughts of the Opposite Sex

It is perfectly normal and Islamically healthy to be attracted to the opposite sex. That said, out of kindness and concern for us, Allah Most High has given us clear guidelines on how to use this attraction.

And the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘O youth, whichever of you is able to get married, let him do so, because it will help him lower his gaze and protect his chastity.’ (Bukhari and Muslim)

Allah Most High has said, ‘And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts.’ (24: 31)

This verse means that one cannot look at the opposite sex in a lustful way and that one must not use one’s private parts in a way that is forbidden. (al-Lubab, Maydani) This also applies to look at images on TV or on one’s computer or iPhone.

If you are in your late teens, and perhaps will soon be moving to go to college/university, it might be an idea to consider talking to your parents about marriage. It can be a benefit for some young people to have a spouse and a bedmate during that time of their lives. It does however require a lot of thought, and you should never jump into it if you think you are not ready.

Please have a read of this for detail: Feeling Discouraged about Marriage

Masturbation

Masturbation is forbidden, and you should avoid checking the discharge that you see if it may lead to you doing that.

For more detail, please see: Is Masturbation Sinful? How Do I Stop?

Sometimes people who suffer from depression are tempted to masturbate as some sort of relief, like binging on chocolate, or alcohol, etc. This of course is not halal. The key is to work out other ways to escape the pain of emotional lows, as discussed below. Turning to Allah in dua [prayer] is the first port of call.

Over Concerned about Small Things

Sometimes we have a tendency to get too carried away about small things. It is normal, but we can’t let it rule our lives. At the end of the day, we are worshipping Allah, our cherishing and kind God, and we are not worshipping filth and discharges.

Please have a read of these: A Reader on Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings)

Building Relationships

Reading your questions, it sounds like you don’t have a deep relationship with your mother. Perhaps it is also true to say that you don’t have a deep relationship with many other females. This is concerning, because we all need emotional and familial support, especially in our teens.

I would advise trying to build deeper friendships with religious Muslim girls of your age. You need to have a solid network to get you through your trials.

I’m not an advocate of Stephen King — horror literature at all — but the idea of the protagonists coming together as a united front against the enemy is something noticeably repeated: in It the children agree to tackle the monster together and they have to hold hands to stay strong; similarly, in The Institution the children escape by uniting their psychic forces. Together, put very simply, we are strong. And this is just how Allah has made us.

So you really need to reach out, build strong relationships that you sacrifice time and effort for, so that you can talk about these problems through with someone close to you. Trawling through the internet for help is really no substitute for a good friend.

Suicidal Thoughts

If you are having suicidal thoughts, you must reach out to someone physically near you. It can be at school, the local police station, or your friends. Don’t try these ideas tackle by yourself.

I pray this helps.

[Ustadh] Farid Dingle

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language.

Chaos in My Life

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: How to know if Allah is unhappy with me or if it is a trial? Life has been challenging throughout but right now I am in utter chaos. What should I do?

Answer: First, I thank you for reaching out to us in your time of need and I pray that things turn around for you, in all respects. That being said, there are important things to bear in mind.

It is not the job of the servant to figure out whether Allah is pleased or displeased with him. Nor is it his job to figure out why Allah has sent what he has sent upon him. Rather reflect on the hadith of the Prophet, Allah bless him and send him peace, “I am what my servant thinks of me, and I am with him whenever he mentions me….” Think of your Lord has merciful, kind, and compassionate and He will be that for you!

In terms of your difficulties in life, I recall one of my teachers saying that you should always compare yourself to one who is better than you in matters of religion (din), but always compare yourself to one who is worse off than you in this-worldly matters.

I believe you should do three things. First and foremost, be sure that you are applying your personally obligatory knowledge? Are you purifying and praying correctly? Fasting and paying zakat correctly? Do you guard your tongue against the enormities? Take a moment to assess this and feel free to take a free course at Seekersguidance to be sure that Allah is #1 for you and not #2 or #3 or further down the list.

Second, I would figure out some methods to de-stress. Some thoughts that come to mind are: exercise regularly, eat healthily, take your supplements, get enough sleep, and recite a daily invocation or devotional act (wird).

The last thing that comes to mind is time management. Building up a business takes time and effort. Have you done all the consulting necessary? Are you rushing into things or taking it a step at a time? Are you checking your work and details with excellence (Ihsan) or doing things haphazardly and expecting great results? Are you taking out enough time to study for the exam while working on the business? Which takes priority of your time?

Last of all, intend the pleasure and remembrance of Allah in your studies, your work, and in your worship and you will have success from whence you never expected it.

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

A Poem for Personal Problems – Novid Shaid

A Poem for Personal Problems

 

One day I awoke

Aching head and broke

Someone shaking me

Cursing deafeningly:

 

“Time to get angry!

Irascibility!

 

You’ve been hurt and tricked!

People take the mick!

You don’t deserve this!

So, give them all a miss!

 

Time to feel despair!

Your life has no repair!

 

Double-dealing spouse!

Children wreck your house! 

Relatives are war!

And friends just make you poor!

 

Devils in their blood!

They drag you in the mud!

 

Not enough money!

This is not funny!

Others get the breaks!

But your problems just bake…

 

Allah hates your face!

You’re such a big disgrace!

 

Might as well give up

You’ll never have the luck

Prayer is just pointless

Your life is just a mess…

 

Might as well end it…

Do it and do be quick!”

 

I arose provoked

By the one who spoke

Devil with a key

With which he’d made entry

 

In my house he came!

My discontent his game!

 

Then I wept, praying

To the Only King

Send me some relief!

From all this pain and grief!

 

Give me harmony!

Through Mustafa’s bounty!

 

Suddenly, a wind

Subtle, sweet and thin

Irresistible

It soothed all my troubles

 

And the devil screamed!

It tumbled in the breeze!

 

Flying out the door

Devil cried and swore

I replaced the lock

And let the wind unblock

 

All the hurt within

Flew out upon the wind!

 

Then I read and prayed

Crying out His name

Clearing up my rooms

So, Presence could imbue

 

When my house was clear

The Lights said: “There’s no fear,”

 

He is always there

He is ever near

Troubles still arise

But the Lights galvanise!

 

“There’s no fear nor grief

Allah is the relief!”

 

By Novid Shaid, 2019

www.novid.co.uk

The Prophetic Paradigm of Dealing With Problems – Shaykh Amin Kholwadia

* Courtesy of Darul Qasim

In this Pre Khutba talk, Shaykh Amin Kholwadia reminds the congregation that the absence of problems in society are not a sign of communal success or well being. Human nature and society is inextricably bounded to problems and challenges. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had to deal with problems and challenges on a daily basis. Furthermore, Islamic history is replete with events and episodes of turmoil and issues. Therefore, instead of rebelling against human nature, Muslims should adopt the approach and methodology of the Prophet (peace be upon him) in dealing with problems. He (peace be upon him) showed us through his blessed life that Islam teaches us how to navigate through human complexity. It is time that we realize this and embrace the Prophetic qualities of patience, forbearance, struggle, compassion and generosity in dealing with life and others. We should do our best in providing ease and assistance to those who are suffering from the challenges of life, and try to create a peaceful society by following the Prophetic model.

* Originally published on the 21st of October 2019