Should I Move Out With My Wife Instead of Living With My Parents?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m in a difficult position. My mother and wife are not getting along.

My mother is sometimes very rude to my wife. Recently I was having a crisis and my wife’s brother was helping me, but in the midst of it, my mother cursed him as she thought he was the reason behind it. I tried clearing it up with my mother but I knew it was in vain. After four years of marriage, my wife now wants a separate house and I cannot leave my father because I’m the only son. What guidance is there in Islam for me?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with you feeling like you are living in a war zone, and I pray that you make the right choice for everyone, and give everyone their rights within Islam.

Living Separately

Your wife has the right to live separately from her in-laws, and there is no obligation in Islam to live with your parents.

Please see your financial obligations and wife’s right to separate housing here:
Fiqh of Financially Supporting one’s Parents and Relatives
A Wife’s Right to Housing Separate From Her In-Laws
When May Parents Be Disobeyed and How

Communicate

During this difficult period, you should take steps to move out with politeness, respect, and open communication. Do not tell your mother that you are moving out because of her, nor because of the toxicity, or anything negative. Tell her that you are moving out because you want to have a home to get a good financial footing and independence in life, that you want a bigger space for your family to grow into. Tell her that your wife has nothing to do with it, the decision is yours. Pray istikhara, and if it is positive, plan to go in a year or so.

You will find that automatically, everyone will get along wonderfully, feel more respected, have fewer confrontations, and your happy wife will give you a happy life.

Please see these links as well:
My Wife Struggles to Have Privacy in Our Family Home. What Do We Do?
Should I Leave My Parents to Allow My Wife to Have Her Own House?
My Wife Doesn’t Get Along With My Mother. What Do I Do?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.