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How Can a Muslim Deal With Homosexual Inclinations?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

1) For a male who is sexually attracted to other males, what constitutes proper gender relations? Is it proper to shake hands with other males? Where should that person pray in jamaat (or is it better to pray at home)? Is it permissible to live in the same quarters as an unrelated male (e.g. in a shared dorm room)?

2) Is it permissible for a person to lie to or deceive others with regard to sexual orientation?

Answer: Jazakum Allah khayran for your questions, which are very important.

The situation you have described is one which is very difficult for any religious person to experience. To not be able to act upon and fulfil one’s basic passions is no doubt a great test of patience, strength and faith. May God make things easy for those who have to bear such trials and reward them immensely.

God is All-knowing, and one cannot imagine how much pleasure and joy is in store for the believer who holds back for His sake. In the meantime, one should attach themselves to God as much as possible, and find solace in knowing that suffering is of many types, yet forbearance and gratitude only brings about the Pleasure of God and will be a formidable light for the person on the Day of Judgement, insha’Allah.

Gender relations

Generally speaking, there is no prohibition stopping a man who is sexually attracted to men interacting with other men. One does not have to avoid shaking hands, or attending the congregational prayers. Likewise, it is not prohibited to be in seclusion with another man. It is still important to be a part of the Muslim community and have social and communal interaction.

However, the above rulings are general, and people differ in their levels of desire and patience. If one finds that they are unable to control their sexual thoughts, lower their gaze, and restrain physical urges, then they must limit their interaction with other men accordingly. This is something each individual will have to gauge for themselves. In these instances, one should avoid situations that they know exacerbate their desires. As you correctly mentioned, modesty is a branch of faith, and our responsibility is not only to protect our own modesty, but also the modesty of others.

Lying about one’s sexual orientation

In these very delicate situations, where, unfortunately, many people may react insensitively or pass judgement, it would be permissible to lie about one’s sexual orientation if the need arose.

If the idea of marriage ever comes up, one should just mention that they are devoted to their work, study etc.

Dealing with desires

Having sexual desires is natural and Islam is not prudish when it comes to discussing these matters. In cases where a person is unable to act on their sexual instincts, one may try various ways to help tame the desires as much as possible:

1. Fasting or diminishing one’s food: This was the advice of the Prophet ﷺ to those who cannot marry. Some people find, at first, that fasting increases sexual desire, but over time this should pass. Fasting two days a week, Mondays and Thursdays, is sunna and a good start.

2. Lessen intake of certain foods such as dairy products and meat and increase intake of vegetable and fish if possible.

3. Exercise regularly, a mixture of strength and cardio.

4. Keep busy and get involved in community activities, as well as intellectual and artistic pursuits that one finds fulfilling.

5. Keep close ties with family, if possible.

7. Read Quran and make dhikr of Allah and blessings on the Prophet ﷺ as much as one can, reflecting on the words being spoken. Turn your heart to Allah and ask Him each day to keep you patient and firm on the faith. Seek knowledge, even if slowly.

8. Avoid any situations or media articles that discuss related issues, keeping the mind away from the subject, which in turn keeps the heart and bodily limbs away from it.

9. In such a situation where marriage is never a possibility, if one really finds it difficult to control their desires and they genuinely feel like they will fall into the unlawful, then it is permissible, and perhaps even obligatory, for such a person to masturbate to release the sexual energy and avoid falling into a greater sin. However, when doing so, it would not be permissible to invoke unlawful thoughts in order to arouse one’s desire. [Tuhfa al Muhtaj]

Support

It is very important for such a person to have some emotional support. Unfortunately, it would be difficult to have support in these situations as no one will know about it. For this reason, if the need to share is there, one should seek out either an upright, practicing Muslim counsellor, or a sensitive and trusted local scholar, or both, for continued support and guidance. It is important that whoever one goes to is upright, practicing and has a firm understanding of the religion.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

What Is Entailed by Having Sex With Someone From the Same Gender in Ramadan?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalam alaykum

In my past unfortunately I was involved in horrible intimate acts with the same sex. I would do these things even during Ramadan when I was fasting.
Does this require me to make an expiation and fast 60 days straight?

Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

Yes, if you deliberately engaged in sexual intercourse during a fast in the month of Ramadan, you would need to perform the expiation (kaffara), above and beyond making up the fasts (qada’) which were invalidated thereby.

The expiation is to fast sixty days consecutively, ensuring that those days aren’t interrupted by either ‘Eid or the three days after ‘Eid al-Adha.

You also need to repent for these actions. “The one who repents from sin is like the one who has no sin,” said the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace).

[Shurunbulali, Maraqi al-Falah, with Tahtawi’s Gloss]

Please also see: Is Expiation (kaffara) Necessary For Not Fasting in Ramadan? and: The Expiation (Kaffara) for Having Sex While Fasting and: The Complete Guide to Fasting

And Allah Most High alone knows best.

wassalam,
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.

My Father Emotionally Abuses Us and I Have Sinned With Someone of the Same Gender. What Should I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: My father emotionally abuses my mother and my family. This makes me so sad.

Also, I have sinned with someone of the same gender.

What do I do about all the prayers I missed?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well.

I pray that Allah lifts your tribulations, and grants you a complete healing.

Father

Narrated Anas (may Allah be pleased with him): Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace)! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” The Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.” [Bukhari]

Yes, we are obligated to treat our parents with respect and kindness, but we are also obligated to protect ourselves and our loved ones from oppression. Your father is oppressing your mother. He is obligated to stop and ask for her forgiveness.

I am so sorry that you have all endured so many years of abuse. Your father sounds like a deeply troubled man with many unresolved issues. People like him often taken out their anger and disappointment at those under their care. This is not the way of our Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace), who was the best to his family.

Is there a community elder or family member he respects and listens to? I encourage you to ask them for help. Only approach them if you feel it will cause more benefit than harm. If confiding in others will cause more harm to your mother, then refrain and think of another strategy.

I encourage you, your siblings, and your mother to attend family counselling sessions. Ideally, it would be beneficial for your father to join too. Even if he does not want to go, please go on your own. Growing up with an abusive father who is so hostile to your mother damages on the way you view love and trust. It is possible to heal, so seek comfort in that.

Friend

Acting upon same-sex attraction is sinful. Each time you have thoughts of repeating this sin, please seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan, make wudu, and occupy yourself with acts of good.

As you have sinned with this person and he is a source of temptation for you, I strongly suggest that you remove yourself from his life. Please do your best to limit your contact with him, for the sake of pleasing Allah. Work towards ending your friendship completely. If cutting off ties with him immediately will work better for you, then please do that instead.

Find friends who will remind you of Allah, and call you to good. Please perform the Prayer of Need and beg Allah to help you in this situation. It is natural to want love, sexual fulfilment and companionship, but it is important to gain that through permissible means. Please see a culturally-sensitive counsellor and work on healing. I pray that this turbulent phase in your life will pass and be a distant memory.

There is a great push in today’s society towards embracing an active homosexual lifestyle, but this is not the way of our Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace). Even if you do not find yourself attracted to the opposite gender and do not see marriage as a viable option for you, your spiritual struggle is to remain celibate. Please read this article written by a Muslim man who is doing just that: The Strange Elephant In The Room: Struggles, Passions and Hopes. I pray that Allah rewards you for refraining from sin, for His sake.

Repentance

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “Verily, Allah when He created the creation, He wrote with His Hand concerning Himself, that: ‘My mercy prevails over My wrath.’” [Tirmidhi]

Alhamdulilah, it is not too late for you to make your repentance. The fact that you wrote to us is already a sign of Allah’s concern for you. No matter how numerous your sins, dear sister, Allah’s Mercy is far, far greater. I pray that this will be the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

The Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) stated, “None makes the religion difficult except that it overcomes him. So, aim for what is right, stick to the moderate way…” [Bukhari]

1) Make the intention to pay back your prayers, and come up with a reasonable plan to do so.
2) Learn the personally obligatory parts of your religion (purity, prayer, fasting, zakat) on SeekersHub, once registration reopens. Sign up for one course per term. Be careful not to overwhelm yourself. Start with either Absolute Essentials of Islam: Basic Hanafi Jurisprudence (STEP) or Absolute Essentials of Islam: Basic Shafi’i Jurisprudence (STEP).

Please write back if you have any more questions. I pray that Allah grants you healing, tranquility, and the courage to draw nearer to Him.

Please see:

Estimating the Number of Makeup Prayers
Dealing With a Dysfunctional Relationship With Parents
Tackling Homosexual Feelings: Supplication, Repentance, and Going Cold Turkey
A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
A Reader On Gender Interaction

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersHub Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales.

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf on Gay Muslims; Scholars Issue Statement

“We, as American Muslims, follow the openhearted and inclusive Islam of Muhammad Ali and completely reject the hatred, provincialism, and intolerance of those who trample upon the rights of others, besmirching and defiling the name of Islam.”

On June 13, 2016, Muslim leaders across North America signed the Orlando Statement. Signatories include, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, Shaykh Abdullah Bin Bayyah, and Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.
You can read the statement, in full, at the Orlando Statement website.

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf gave a brief interview addressing several difficult issues. We reproduce it below with thanks to CNN.

Q: There have been many statements from Muslims condemning terrorism. Why issue another one?
A: Muslims are constantly being accused of not condemning these types of attacks, even though I don’t have any control over what other people do, and they don’t represent me or my faith. Nobody associates all Seventh-day Adventists with David Koresh, who belonged to a splinter sect, or all of Judaism with Meir Kahane. But when these things happen, the whole religion of Islam is besmirched. We’re trapped in this constant cycle of: events, condemnation; events, condemnation. And then people still say, “Why don’t Muslims condemn these things?”
Q: What do you make of Donald Trump’s speech about Islam and terrorism on Monday?
A: He’s playing a dangerous game, and a lot of lives are threatened by that type of saber-rattling. We’re in an extremely volatile situation and social media has introduced an unprecedented element that we don’t fully understand.
Q: Trump and President Obama are arguing over whether to label attacks like the Orlando shooting “radical Islam.”
A: When a man wrote a political screed against the IRS and flew into its building, he was deemed mentally ill, even though it was clearly a political act. There’s a double standard, which is: If his name is Muhammad, it’s automatically terrorism. This man (Omar Mateen) wasn’t a radical Islamist. To drink or go to gay bars, or any kind of bar, is prohibited in Islam. He seemed to be a nominal Muslim. He went to mosques on occasion but I don’t see a lot of devotion there.
Q: What about the gay community and gay Muslims who may feel ostracized from mainstream Islam?
A: As we say in the Orlando statement, we are committed to Abrahamic morality, but it should not to be imposed on others. America is about choices, including those to live certain lifestyles. There’s a statement in the Quran: There should be “absolutely no compulsion in religion.”
Q: What about gay Muslims, though?
A: Look, I don’t have the power to issue papal decrees. We don’t have that type of structure in our tradition. But I have studied the tradition, and the vast majority of Muslims would never accept the lawfulness of an active homosexual lifestyle. I don’t see that happening. But there is also no authority in the tradition for any individual to take things into his own hands and impose their version of the religion on someone else.
Q: Why can’t Muslim teachings on homosexuality change? Is it because the Quran, which is considered the inerrant word of God, condemns it?
A: The Quran is pretty explicit in its condemnation of the act, and we have a long tradition of jurisprudence that defines it as unlawful. But there were also fatwas permitting people who had those attractions to relieve themselves so they wouldn’t fall into active engagement. There’s an awareness that this is a real human urge. I definitely have sympathy for people who are struggling. I’ve met with young Muslims who have told me about their struggles. But I’m not sure they want our sympathies; they want full recognition of their lifestyle, and my religion tells me that I can’t accept that. But I can’t — and won’t — impose my beliefs on others, either verbally or otherwise. I’m not going to judge people.
Q: What do you say when gay Muslims tell you about their struggles?
A: I say that I’m not going to deny your experience but my recommendation is not to actively engage in behavior outside of what is permitted in the religion. I know that people can live celibate lives, I did it myself for many years.
Q: The punishment for homosexuality in some schools of Islamic jurisprudence can be quite harsh.
A: There’s no specific punishment in the books of fiqh (Islamic laws) that relate to homosexuality per se. They apply to any illicit sexual relations, including prohibited heterosexual acts like adultery. And the punishments are strong, but they are legal fictions because they are impossible to prove. You need four witnesses to say they witnessed (sexual) penetration. In what circumstances are you going to find someone to testify to that?
Q: A lot of Muslims have lamented that the feelings of goodwill after Muhammad Ali’s funeral quickly dissipated after the Orlando shooting. You were at Ali’s memorial. What was that like?
A: Dr. Sherman Jackson said it best: Muhammad Ali put an end to the idea that you can’t be an American and a Muslim. We were all feeling that last week. The memorial was all planned by Muhammad Ali himself, and I was impressed by how much his faith was highlighted, even by people of other traditions. The spirit of love that embodied the city of Louisville for two days was overwhelming. Everyone was smiling and hugging. It felt like such a breakthrough for our community … and then, Orlando. We went from the incredible pathos of joy to the bathos of despair. It’s one step forward, two steps back.
[cwa id=’cta’]

Is It Permissible to Assist Homosexuals in Their Treatment for Sexually Transmitted Infections?

Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas

Question: I work with an non-governmental organization and part of the work is treating homosexuals to cure them from sexually transmitted diseases. Most of them get married to cover up there sexual orientation. So they have to be treated to protect these women from contracting the diseases. Is it ok to continue working in this place?

Answer: assalamu alaykum

There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, it will be rewarding if you do this with a high and noble intention.

The main reason why you should be treating such people is because they are human beings suffering from a horrible illness that requires assistance and support to cope with and cure. Homosexuality may not be permitted in Islam but that does not mean that homosexuals can be neglected when it comes to extending such support to them.

To think it would be fine to leave these people with such an illness if they were not going to marry women is rather cruel and contrary to our higher ethical values. This is not what our religion teaches us. There are many texts in our tradition calling upon us to be good and merciful towards all of creation:

For example, the Qur’an constantly calls people to do good, such as in the verse, “God enjoins justice and good conduct” (16:90) and “Do good for God loves those who do good.” (2:195)

Similarly, the Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) said that, “The best of people is one who most benefits others,” [al-Tabarani] and “Those who show mercy will be shown mercy by the Most Merciful.” [Abu Dawud] Being merciful to all creation was in fact part of the essence of the Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) as clearly attested to in the Qur’an, “and we have not sent you but as a mercy for the world.” (21:107)

In light of the above, assisting these individuals is part of benefitting others and showing mercy towards them. This is the way of the Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) that we strive to uphold in our lives. So, my advice to you would be to make a lofty attention and continue benefitting the needy and vulnerable around you.

Salman

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Photo: Jon Rawlinson

How Should Muslims Treat LGBTQ Individuals?

Muslim attitudes to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer – LGBTQ individuals and communities are often under a spotlight. Shaykh Walead Mosaad was asked how we should respond, as part of the question and answer session at the Islamic Society of Greater Charlotte. He first clarified where the shariah draws the line with regards to acting on homosexual feelings, undergoing sex-change operations, etc. but then asks, can someone be a Muslim and a homosexual? Watch this short clip to hear this explanation.

Resources for seekers on Muslim attitudes to LGBTQ issues:

Cover photo by Guillaume Paumier.

Overwhelmed and Confused in Trying to Understand and Practice Islam: What Can I Do?

Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas

Question: (1) I keep on hearing that those who miss a single prayers beyond its time are disbelievers. Does that make me a non muslim?

(2) I personally find it difficult to believe that most of humanity will be in the hellfire eternally. What are the rulings on apostasy? What is the ruling on homosexuality?

(3) I am also overwhelmed with all the knowledge that i have to learn. I’m already using Seekersguidance but what other sources are there?

Answer: assalamu `alaykum

You raise a number of issues in your question, and I will attempt to answer them below to the best of my ability:

The Issue of Anathema (takfir)

Judging a particular individual to be within the fold of Islam or not is a serious matter as it has consequences not only on the individual being identified as being outside the fold, but the one forwarding such a claim. Abu Hurayra once instructed a person who accused another of disbelief, “I heard the Messenger of God (God bless him) state, ‘Whoever bears testimony against a Muslim of which the latter is not deserving, let him prepare for his seat in the Fire.” [Ahmad, Musnad; Abu Dawud, Musnad] Similarly, the Prophet (Allah bless him) stated, “Whoever charges a Muslim with unbelief is as though he has killed him.” [Bukhari, Sahih]

These are not mere words but serious warnings against accusing another of being outside the fold of Islam, and only those who lack a holistic understanding of the prophetic way make it their habit to judge those around them at the expense of heeding the prophetic warnings on this issue.

The judgment regarding the Islam of a particular individual is strictly a matter reserved for a judge or jurisconsult after thorough investigation that requires the fulfillment of stringent conditions. Additionally, such judgments are primarily out of a consideration for the earthly rights that attach themselves to the matter such as issues of marriage, inheritance, and the like. They do not represent anything decisive regarding the status of such an individual in the next life. Therefore, ordinary Muslims, which include both the non-qualified and semi-qualified, have no business in deeming people outside the fold of Islam.

The Issue of Missing Prayer

The majority of scholars have clearly stated that one does not become a disbeliever due to the sinful actions that he commits. Imam al-Tahawi succinctly summarizes this in his statement, “A person does not step out of belief except by disavowing that which brought him into it.”

This is a general rule, and while certain exceptions may exist, the majority of scholars have also clearly opined that missing prayer does not take one outside the fold of Islam unless such an act is accompanied with a belief in its non-obligatory nature.

Sunni scholars have cited textual evidence in support of this rule. The most prominent are the traditions of the Prophet (God bless him) that demonstrate the sufficiency of the testimony of faith (kalima) in attaining salvation. Thus, for example, it is related that the Prophet (God bless him) said, “Whoever testifies that there is no god but God, paradise is made obligatory for him.” [Bukhari, Muslim] This tradition is mass-transmitted in meaning having been related from the Prophet (God bless him) by over thirty of his Companions. [al-Kattani, Nazm al-Mutanathir]

Thus, the Hanafi, Shafi`i, Maliki, and Hanbali schools have all opined that leaving the prayer does not take one outside the fold of Islam. [Nawawi, al-Majmu`; Hattab, Mawahib al-Jalil; Ibn Qudama, al-Mughni; Ibn `Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar] It is true that some scholars held the opinion that leaving prayer makes one a disbeliever. However, the mere fact that there is difference of opinion on this issue renders any verdict of disbelief unacceptable. As Imam al-Haskafi states, “a legal verdict may not be given of the unbelief of a Muslim whose words are interpretable as having a valid meaning, or about the unbelief of which there is difference of scholarly opinion, even if weak.” [Durr al-Mukhtar]

Finally, even in the situation where someone denies the obligatory nature of the prayer, the scholars caution from rushing to judgment on the Islam of such a person due to the fact that there may be doubts and reasons underlying his opinion that require clarification and instruction.

The Salvation of Others

You also raise concerns about “most of humanity” being in hellfire eternally. However, this is not what Islam teaches us, and there is little to support such speculation from the primary texts of our religion.

The basis when it comes to the next-worldly fate of others is that the matter is consigned to God. We know that those who reject Islam after recognizing it as the true religion are promised punishment, and we know those who profess Islam sincerely to be rewarded, but as for the categories of individuals in the middle, we cannot pass any decisive judgment.

In fact, one of the most influential scholars of Islam, Abu Hamid al-Ghazali, held that most non-Muslims in Europe and Central Asia during his time would be eligible for salvation since they had not heard the message of Islam at all or because they had only heard a corrupted version of Islam. [Ghazali, Faysla al-Tafriqa] In other words, al-Ghazali considered moral responsibility to be established only after (a) one was informed about Islam and (b) that this was done in a sound manner.

Similarly, Shah Wali Allah al-Dihlawi, a famous scholar of the Indian Subcontinent, stated that among the category of people excused by God in the next-life are those:

“who are sound in body and disposition, but who have not been reached by the message of Islam at all; or it has reached them, but only in such a way that the proof was not established, and confusion about it did not cease. Thus they grew up neither indulging in despicable traits nor in destructive actions, nor did they turn their attention to the direction of God either to deny or confirm Him, and most of their concern is preoccupied with the immediate worldly supports of civilized life.” [Hujja Allah al-Baligha, tranl. by Mohammad Hasan Khalil]

I mention both the aforementioned viewpoints in an attempt to demonstrate the presence of diversity in our traditional discourse concerning the salvation of others, a discourse that continues to be had among scholars even to this day.

Being Overwhelmed with Knowledge

As for being overwhelmed with knowledge, the key to this is recognizing that the religion is about moderation. The Prophet (God bless him) stated, “None makes the religion difficult except that it overcomes him. So, aim for what is right, stick to the moderate way…” [Bukhari]

Part of moderation is recognizing that one can only take on so much. It is about identifying what one’s priorities are. There is, for example, little use in studying detailed aspects of theology (in most cases) when one does not know how to pray properly. You are not expected to know everything, and even what you are required to know something, it will take time for you to learn it. This amount of time will vary from person to person. Remember, that the Companions were not all Abu Bakrs; some were simple Bedouins. God be well-pleased with them all.

Therefore, I would advise you not to worry too much about this. Start with the basics: your purity, your prayer, your fasts, your zakat by taking the courses on SeekersGuidance. Taking one course every term and actually doing it properly is better than taking multiple courses and not being able to complete them at all. Be gradual. Do not take on more than you can chew, and know that you will slip because that is part of the human condition.

Learning is a life-long process. So, be ready to spend your life learning. Continually pray to God to facilitate things for you, and know that He desires ease for us, not hardship. See: What Is the Meaning of the Hadith “Ruined Are the Extremists”?

I hope that answers some of your questions.

Salman

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Do Women Have to Cover in Front of Homosexuals or Transgendered Individuals?

Answered by Shaykh Faraz A. Khan

Question: Is the same level of modesty/purdah/ hijab that is expected of women in front of non-mahram men expected when in the presence of homosexuals/transgendered individuals? What is the Islamic stance on this?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I pray this finds you in the best of health and states. Please pardon me for the undue delay in response.

Yes, women must cover in front of such individuals just as they would in front of heterosexual males. The same ruling applies in front of castrated males. There is no difference at all with respect to modesty or dress. [Zayla’i, Tabyin al-Haqa’iq; Nahlawi, Durar Mubaha]

And Allah knows best.
wassalam
Faraz

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani

Married Man Addicted to Boys

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: I’m an adult man with a wife and children.   Since a young age, I’ve liked both males and females.  I have sex with my wife regularly. However, I can’t resist when I see a good looking boy, and many times I have sex with boys.

I pray to Allah in vain to keep save me from this sin.  I don’t know what to do.  Otherwise i look completely straight and no one can ever make out this disease in me.

Please help me.

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Dear Brother,

Thank you for your question. I pray this message finds you well.

Due to the extreme seriousness of your situation, I urge you to seek professional help immediately. You should speak with a psychologist or a psychiatrist who specializes in sexual addiction. Furthermore, you should speak with a spiritual guide as the root of the problem is spiritual.

You should stop deceiving yourself. Straight men do not sleep with other men, let alone young boys. If you are, in any way, victimizing children, you owe it to yourself and them to get help. Depending on the age of these boys, you very well could be committing a crime on top of major sins (homosexuality and adultery).

And then there is the matter of your wife. Not only are you deceiving her by leading a double life, you are exposing her to a host of sexually-transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS.

I implore you to take a good look at yourself and your behavior. Is this how you want to meet Allah? You are hurting your wife, your child, the people with whom you are committing this major sin, and yourself.

Please repent to Allah and ask for divine assistance in curing yourself from this affliction.

Stay away from temptation and get professional help.

May Allah Ta’ala rectify you,

Zaynab Ansari

My Friend of the Same Gender Has Feelings for Me

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: Assalaam alaikum,

I’m a practicing Muslimah, and I have a friend, a practicing Muslimah, who seems to be in love with me. What can I do about this?

Answer: In the Name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

Assalamu alaikum.

Thank you for your question.

Sadly, Satan–and we seek refuge in God from his deception– finds entryways through whispers into our hearts and minds. As God reminds us in the Qur’an, Satan has vowed to mislead men and women and his efforts are doubly focused on those who have some awareness of their deen.

My advice is to urge your friend to seek counseling from a pious, traditional scholar of Islam and find balance in her life. It is best to limit contact while she works through these issues. This is a test of your friendship and if you value your relationship, you will remind her of what is most pleasing to God. You should also make the supplication: “O God, o controller of hearts and eyes, make my heart firm upon your religion” and encourage her to do the same.

Finally, it is worth mentioning to your friend that she take a close look at her relationships with her family members. If there are trust issues or emotional voids, these need to be worked on because they can go a long way in helping her understand what she is going through and providing the validation she seems to be seeking.

May God make things easy,

Zaynab