I feel awful and remorseful about having had a boyfriend

Question: I was born and raised as a Muslim, but I was blinded by this world and had a boyfriend. I was close to Zina on multiple occasions, praying to Allah for forgiveness, especially during Ramadan. What else can I do? I feel awful about my past, and I am trying to be a righteous Muslim. How can I guarantee Allah’s forgiveness and salvation from the Hellfire? If a prospective groom appears and asks if I was involved with anyone, what do I say? My parents cannot know, and I don’t want my past to define me. Can I still be with a good Muslim man? I know we should keep our sins hidden, but I am in desperate need of proper guidance.


Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am very pleased and congratulate you on the blessing of guidance and your intention to change yourself. May Allah give you every success along the way.

Guaranteeing forgiveness

What is expected of you is that you repent sincerely for disobeying Allah; please see this link to ensure that you do that:

There is no way to guarantee forgiveness from Allah, nor salvation from the Hellfire. The only people who had this guarantee were few; among them, the Prophets, Messengers, and the ten companions were given the glad tidings of Paradise. Rest assured that you are in the ranks of believers who struggle every day with their sins, feel remorse, and pray daily for Allah to envelop them in His mercy while feeling they don’t deserve it.

Allah’s mercy is expansive beyond our comprehension, and He seeks to forgive every single night. Consider this hadith: The Prophet said, may Allah bless him and give him peace, “When half of the night or two-third of it is over, Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says, ‘Is there any beggar, so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven?‘ (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak.“ [Muslim]

Consider the immensity of his forgiveness from this prophetic hadith: “Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said: ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me,  I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. O son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]

Prospects for marriage

You certainly do not need to be defined by your past, and you won’t be, by the grace of Allah. It is impermissible for you to reveal your past sins to a prospective suitor even if you are directly asked. See these links:

Continue on this transformation that you have started and ask Allah to send you good religious company and increase you in Sacred Knowledge, its knowledge, its practice, and the spiritual state gained from it.

Shazia Ahmad


Can I Make Dua That Allah Sends My Boyfriend to Me as My Future Husband?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam aleykum,

I am a young girl who has had a relationship with a guy for over 2 years, but we broke up.

I know that everything is already written for us and we have to put faith in Allah, as He knows best. However, I don’t like the idea of ending up with someone whom I don’t love in this way.

Can I ask Allah in my dua’s to end up with the man I love in the future? There are no wrongs thoughts such as lust involved, just pure love. Can our dua’s be so powerful that Allah can maybe change my mektab if he had written something else and grant me the person I truly love?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive me for the delay.


It was narrated from Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

Dear sister, you did the right thing by ending your pre-marital relationship. As much as you are hurting right now, know that your heartache will reduce with time. I pray that Allah grants you tremendous reward for making your repentance, and replaces what you have lost with far better.

When you are young, it may seem that the key to a happy marriage is to be deeply in love with a person. However, it takes more than that. Over the course of your marriage. as kids are born, bills need to be paid, and parents and in-laws age, it would help tremendously if your husband is kind, loyal, supportive, financially savvy and forgiving. If a marriage is not worked on actively through these very normal life stressors, then you can very easily fall out of love.

Duas and destiny

In your best case scenario, Allah has written that you will marry the young man you love. In your perceived worst case scenario, Allah has written that you will marry someone else. Allah knows what duas you will make even before you make them.

As to whether your duas can change your destiny, please refer to this Can Supplication Change Destiny?

It is permissible for you to make dua for Allah to bless you with marriage to to the man you love. However, I strongly recommend that you also make dua for Allah to bless you with the best husband for you, and to grant you contentment with His Decree.

I suggest that you do not give your heart away to a man until you have done your nikah. Deep and lasting love can blossom after nikah, within the safety of your marriage.


I encourage you to learn more about what it takes to have a successful Islamic marriage. This way, no matter who you marry, you will have the right tools to navigate the next stage of your life.

Please read Before You Tie The Knot and listen to the Getting Married lesson set.


God willing, you have decades ahead of you. Perhaps Allah has saved you from great pain by separating you from the man you love. Perhaps there is something within him or his family that will cause you great pain, should you marry him.

On the flipside, perhaps Allah has written marriage to the man you love – just not right now.

Only Allah knows. The best way for you to close this door of longing is to perform The Prayer of Guidance. You can If Allah makes it clear to you that marriage to him is good, then He will facilitate that e.g. your parents will be open to the idea. If Allah makes it lear that marriage to him is harmful.

Free your heart of attachments to Allah, or He will free it for you.

Spiritual nourishment

God Most High says, “Truly it is in the remembrance of God that hearts find rest.” [Qur’an, 13:28]

While you are in this vulnerable state, it is extremely important for you to nourish your heart and soul. Read and listen to Qur’an, fast, find comfort in supplication, give in charity, help others in need, and other praiseworthy acts.

I pray that Allah grants you ease and contentment. Please keep in touch.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersGuidance Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

I Am in an Impermissible but Healthy Relationship. What Should I Do?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I am in a relationship which I know is haram and we have also done haram in the time we spent together during meetings and now people are getting suspicious but as a couple we are helping each other islamically which is making our attachment even stronger and harder to break. What am I meant to do?

Answer: Assalam ‘alaykum. Thank you for reaching out to us.

Though the situation may feel complex to you, the solutions are actually very simple. There are only really two options for you both: You either get married or you break up. There is no third option.

Getting Married

Allah Most High has commanded us to keep away from going anywhere near unlawful relationships, ‘And approach not fornication; surely it is an indecency, and evil as a way’ [17:32]. ‘Approaching fornication’ begins with the eyes and ears, then speech, then touch, and so on.

If you are both suitable for marriage, then I first suggest you have your friend speak to your father directly and ask for your hand in marriage, or, have his family approach your family. If you are serious about being with each other, then marriage is the only lawful way for this to happen. Allah has permitted us to marry in order to preserve chastity.

Breaking up

If marriage is not an option, then you must break off the relationship, for your sake and his. Breaking up means cutting off all communications with each other (including text messaging, etc.). If this needs to be done, send an email stating what needs to be done, and then move on, without going back and forth.

It may be hard, but the reality is that you cannot help each other Islamically if your being together is unislamic. While love is an important factor in any relationship, the true and highest meaning of an Islamic relationship is that which is done for Allah, and within the boundaries Allah has set forth.

If you really can’t get married, breaking up may be a true sign of your concern for one another, in this life and the next.


Whether you marry or not, you must both pray salat al tawba. This consists of two cycles of prayer, sincere du’a for forgiveness, and a genuine and firm resolve not to return to the sin again (including talking with each other without need). I would also recommend giving some charity as a way of atonement, even if a small amount.

I wish you all the best, and that Allah guide you both to that which is pleasing to Him, and increase you in obedience to Him.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.

I Am Now Religious, but My Boyfriend Is Not. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I am in love with someone who is not practising religion. I didn’t use to practise it either, but now I am, and we’ve been together for the past 5 years. I’m trying hard to change him, but it’s hard for him. Do I keep trying to change him?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for seeking out clarity on this issue.

Moving forward

Dear sister, alhamdulilah for the gift of Allah guiding you to the deen.

Your priority right now is to remove yourself from a state of sinfulness. This means that you must end your relationship, make a sincere repentance, and trust in Allah. None of us have the power to ‘make’ anyone else religious.

If he wishes to be closer to Allah, then he needs to do so without you. Trust that Allah will send him the support he needs. If he does make a sincere repentance and approaches you for marriage, then please perform the Prayer of Guidance about what to do. If Allah makes it easy for you both to marry, then that is a sign for you. If He blocks that path, then that is a sign for you.

However, if he makes no attempt to change and does not make he effort to marry you, then please move on. Heartbreak is one of the hardest things to experience in this dunya, so please turn to Allah in this time, and reach out to close friends or family for support. If you have nobody to talk to, then speak to a culturally-sensitive counsellor who supports your decision to save yourself for marriage.


The best thing you can do for yourself is end this relationship, and start a new chapter in your life.

I encourage you to do this course to give you a deeper understanding of marriage in Islam: Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life.

Please read Surah Al-Waqi’ah regularly to increase your provision. Perform The Prayer of Need and ask Allah to bless you with a husband who has both deen and good character. May Allah make this trial easier for you to bear.

Please see:

A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
My Heart Has Been Broken by a Man But I Can’t Move On. How to Get Over This?
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersGuidance Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales.

I Am Attracted to a Young Man Who is in a Relationship. Should I Follow My Heart?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: A week ago I met a guy who is in a relationship with someone else. I feel like he is the one and I want to marry him. I care for him. Should I follow my heart? My heart says I’m going to marry him. We will avoid fornication.

Answer: Assalamualayakum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for seeking out an answer which is pleasing to Him.


Allah Most High says: “And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse (zina). Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).” [Qur’an, 17:32]

You sound enamoured with this young man. I urge you to be careful and not act on how you feel. Feelings are not facts. Follow your heart if it calls you to what is pleasing to Allah. Don’t follow your heart if it calls you to sin. The only pure romantic relationship with a man is marriage!

You might feel like he is ‘the one’ for you, but Allah alone knows what is written for us. This is why Islam draws such strict boundaries around gender interaction; it can be so easy to fall for someone who is not your husband.

Take a breather and think about your situation. This young man is already in a relationship with someone else. Dear sister, save your heart for your husband. Have patience, and occupy yourself with good, or else you will occupy yourself with bad.


Comfort yourself with the knowledge that whoever and whatever is written for you will reach you – your responsibility is to do what is right by Allah in all states. If he is meant to be your husband, then let him come to you in a way that is halal (through marriage).


1) When registration reopens, I strongly encourage you to complete this course – Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. You must understand the spirit and the law behind marriage before getting married.
2) Be honest with yourself and ask if you are truly ready to get married.
3) If you are, please speak to your family and let them know that you want to get married.
4) Even if you are not ready to get married, please keep your distance from this young man. The closer you get to him, the more you are likely to fall into sin.
5) Increase your acts of worship to keep you mindful of Allah. Fast at least twice a week. Keep good company. Keep away from media intake which calls you to haram, e.g love songs.

Please refer to the following link:
Why Does Islam not Allow Boyfriends and Girlfriends?


Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Should I Pay an Expiation After Breaking My Vow to Not Have a Sexual Relation With My Boyfriend?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: Assalam ‘aleykum.

Should I pay an expiation after breaking my vow to not have a sexual relation with my boyfriend even if I don’t know what is entailed by this expiation?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I pray that this message finds you well, insha’Allah.

If you broke your oath, you would need to pay the expiation which is: (a) to feed ten poor people two meals each or (b) to clothe them decently. It would also be permitted to pay the monetary equivalent of either instead.

However, there is a bigger issue here, namely, sexual intercourse outside of a valid marriage contract. You need to immediately break off contact with the person, or if you are suitable for each other, consider marriage, and seek repentance for the mistake.

Please see: A Reader on Tawba (Repentance) and: Is There a Difference Between Breaking an Oath and Breaking a Promise?

And Allah alone knows best.


Tabraze Azam

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Should I Marry My Boyfriend, or Break Off the Relationship?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: I have a boyfriend.
We have transgressed some limits and  I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to tell him that I have decided to marry him or to stop having contact.
But I have learned that transgressing limits before marriage takes all the baraka away that comes with marriage.
Now I am afraid to marry him and then have a bad marriage because of lack of baraka.
Is there a way to get some baraka since i really love him and except for our mistakes he is a really good man?Or should I just break up and forget him?
Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
No, you can still marry him and have a blessed marriage, insha’Allah.
Allah Most High says, “Say, ‘[God says], My servants who have harmed yourselves by your own excess, do not despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [39.53]
The key to blessedness and success is constant repentance and turning to Allah. Repentance has three conditions: to leave the sin, remorse over having committed it, and to resolve never to return to it. If you have made a mistake, pray the Prayer of Repentance (salat al-tawba) [see: Prayer of Repentance: Salat al-Tawba]
Allah Most High says, “You who believe, seek help through steadfastness and prayer, for God is with the steadfast.” [2.153]
Repent from all sin, decide if you are fully compatible with each other, and then pray the Prayer of Seeking Guidance (salat al-istikhara). [see: The Reality of Istikhara] If you decide to marry him, tactfully minimize all unnecessary contact and pray the Prayer of Need (salat al-hajah) regularly. [see: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?]
Ibn `Ata’illah said in one of his aphorisms, “Whosoever’s beginning is illuminated, their ending is illuminated.”
I’d consider taking this class: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
See: A Reader on Tawba (Repentance) and: Islamic Marriage- Intiating and Upholding
Tabraze Azam
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani