Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I live in Mumbai, and I’ve been in a relationship with a married man for the past ten years. He never told me that he is married and has a daughter and a son with her. In 2020, I found out. I tried to cut ties with him, but he always cried over it. He asks forgiveness for not telling me about his marriage.
He prays, pays zakat, and is engaged in jamat work (Society for Spreading Faith). In short, he is a God-fearing person, but still, he didn’t tell me about the marriage. When I found out, I figured that since we love each other, I would be his second wife, but whenever I ask for marriage, he gets angry and starts a big fight with me.
May Allah reward you for being so honest, sincere, and transparent, and may Allah give you the strength to flee from this web that you are entangled in.
You need to leave this man and run away from him as you would run away from a house on fire. This relationship has no benefit except the fake fulfillment of lust and temporary thrills in the bedroom. The truth is this: He will never marry you as he is already a cheating, lying husband. The correct question to ask yourself is, “Why are you still with him?“ Do you enjoy being his illicit mistress? Do you enjoy angering God? Do you not want a public wedding and children? He only wants you for sex; he doesn’t love you at all, and he has no respect for you. You will never have rights with him, and he will hide you forever under his sheets if you let him.
Find a God-Fearing Muslim
Please find a God-fearing Muslim man (your current boyfriend is not God-fearing, don’t even…) considering this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) gave us the most valuable advice which applies to both genders. He said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, lineage, beauty or piety. Select the pious or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Cut him off and start studying Islam with our courses. Start with learning the life of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), learn your personally obligatory fiqh of worship, and learn the halals and harams of daily life. I also encourage you to break your current bad habits; perhaps make ‘umra, perhaps go and visit relatives, even if for a short while. It would be great to get away from him. All these things can help you wake up and see reality. Ask Allah to guide you in all your decisions.
And remember this most important hadith: Abu Qatada (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Ahmad]
Please see these links as well:
Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
Should I Become a Second Wife to My Married Boyfriend?
What If I Fall in Love with a Married Man and Sleep with Him as a Convert?
I am in Love and Want To Make Her My Second Wife
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.