Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am in a haram relationship. I am very insecure because the guy is very toxic and has cheated on me a lot. So, to control him, I told him that I was pregnant & I made him a fool for one month and then told him I got my period. He believes I am pregnant and continues to cheat on me and abuse me verbally. Even if I didn’t lie about the pregnancy, he would still be this abusive.
Now I feel so bad about lying. I want to ask him for forgiveness, but I don’t know what to do. The only thing that’s keeping me in this relationship is guilt, but I can’t say anything to him because he is very abusive I’m stuck. I want to get out, but I don’t want to tell him the truth.
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your regret, and I pray that you come out of this abusive relationship and find the respect and love that you deserve in a healthy and loving marriage.
An illicit relationship is one thing, but lying is something else. You need to come clean as soon as possible and tell him that you lied. You have no choice but to face the music. The sooner you tell the truth, the better. The longer you let this drag, the worse it can get. Also, you must repent to Allah for lying, for it is a crime against your Lord before anyone else.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “It is obligatory for you to tell the truth, for the truth leads to virtue and virtue leads to Paradise, and the man who continues to speak the truth and endeavors to tell the truth is eventually recorded as truthful with Allah. And beware of telling of a lie, for telling of a lie leads to obscenity and obscenity leads to Hell-Fire, and the person who keeps telling lies and endeavors to tell a lie is recorded as an inveterate liar with Allah.” [Muslim]
He also said, (Allah bless him and give him peace) “The marks of a hypocrite are three: when he speaks he lies; when he makes a promise he breaks it; and when entrusted with something he betrays the trust.” [Bukhari]
There is absolutely no reason to stay with this man. This relationship is causing Allah’s displeasure, subjecting you to abuse, degrading you and your reputation and offering you no chance at happiness or raising a good family. Please tell him the truth, apologize for the lie, walk away, and don’t look back. Erase his number, refuse to see him, and move on to change yourself and find Allah in your life.
Remember the words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). “The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people, He tests them. Whoever accepts that, wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with that, earns His wrath.” [Ibn Maja]
Repent and know that Allah is overjoyed at your repentance. Seek only that which purifies you, gives you peace and is good. Please take some courses with us and find the beauty of this religion and the tranquility it brings. Find solace and comfort in the words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace): “Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” [Ibn Maja]
Please see this link as well:
How Can I Leave My Abusive Boyfriend When I Don’t Deserve a Pious Husband Anymore?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.