My Friend Is in Love With a Married Man. Is This Permissible?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam alaykum,
My friend is in love with a married man and thinks about him everyday. Because she is not acting on it, is it permissible for her to love him? Or is that zina?
Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Adultery
Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger, upon him be blessings and peace, said: “Allah fixed the very portion of adultery which a man will indulge in. There would be no escape from it. The adultery of the eye is the lustful look and the adultery of the ears is listening to voluptuous (song or talk) and the adultery of the tongue is licentious speech and the adultery of the hand is the lustful grip (embrace) and the adultery of the feet is to walk (to the place) where he intends to commit adultery and the heart yearns and desires that which he may or may not put into effect.” [Muslim]
Your friend is committing adultery of the heart, and this is forbidden in Islam. In short, it is impermissible for her indulge in these thoughts and feelings, even if she is currently not acting on them.
Moving forward
For the sake of her well-being in this life and the next, please encourage her to cut ties with this man and his family. Advise her to make her repentance, and to channel her energy in a healthier way by making dua for a righteous and loving husband.
Wanting love and companionship is healthy and normal for a young, unmarried woman. It is important for her to work with this instinct, instead of wasting it on a man who is already married. Please encourage her to perform the Prayer of Need as regularly as she can, and to read Surah Al-Waqiah.
Support
If your friend is struggling to move forward on her own, then please encourage her to seek out help from a qualfied Muslimah life coach.
May Allah give your friend the courage to do what is pleasing to Allah.
Please see:
A Reader On Gender Interaction
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.
