Can You Help Me Leave My Cheating Boyfriend?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am trying to leave the person who hurt me, but I can’t. It is too difficult for me to stay away even though they hurt me again and again. I am trying my best to leave him for Allah’s sake, but my heart doesn’t get any peace. Why is it so difficult? I know he is not good for me, he hurt me and cheated on me, but still, I can’t rid of him. I repented, but I’m suffering from it. Kindly help me.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your regret and give you the strength and confidence to leave him. Anything is possible with Allah’s mercy, but you must act to receive that mercy.
Tawba
The first step is always to ask Allah to forgive you for this illicit relationship, sincerely repent with all its conditions, and never get close to another man until marriage. Allah is the Most Merciful of the merciful, and He loves to forgive His servants as He told us in His words, “Say, (O Prophet, that Allah says,) ‘O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful (…).’” [Quran, 39:53]
Please see the details of sincere repentance here:
Be Strong
You must be strong and leave this man. He is preying on your weakness by abusing you and cheating on you. He doesn’t love you nor respect you; he is just using you and lusting after you. He puts you down to raise himself up. You deserve better than him, and if you transform yourself, you will find a pious husband, in sha’ Allah. Allah has the power to change hearts, situations, spouses, marriages, families, all of it, and it’s easy for Him. Walk away, don’t look back, delete his number and any contact on social media, and don’t listen if he begs you to take him back. Doing this will show you that you are above abuse and victimhood.
Turn to Allah
Turn to your Lord in the meanwhile by learning the religion correctly and applying it in the best way that you can. Pray on time, read the Quran every day, pray istikhara, and make dua in the last third of the night for clarity and guidance. Take a course on marriage with us to prepare yourself. Guard your heart, and don’t get emotionally attached to any man, until you marry with your parents’ blessing. Submit to that which Allah facilitates and leave that which Allah makes difficult, and you will find peace in the decision, in sha Allah. When you think of staying with him, it is the Devil speaking. Please ignore it and use logic, not emotions. Seek refuge from the Shaytan (A‘udhu biLlahi min al-shaytan al-rajeem), and don’t allow him to turn you away from a bright future. Leave him now, not later.
Please see these links as well:
- How to Deal with My Abusive Alcoholic Boyfriend?
- How to Deal with a Break-Up in a Haram Relationship?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
