Is It Religious Abuse If a Wife Is Forced to Serve In-Laws?
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
In Indo-Pak culture, daughters-in-law are often forced to serve their in-laws under the label of “khidmat.” I live with my elderly mother-in-law, who demands constant service and shows signs of narcissism.
My husband supports her, and I am emotionally overwhelmed. Is this considered religious abuse, and what is the Islamic guidance in such a situation?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question. This isn’t easy indeed. Allah reward you immensely with the good of this world and the Next for the service.
This is a very challenging and sensitive situation. On one hand, as a wife, Shari‘a grants you rights; however, you also have to juggle fulfilling your husband’s rights, raising children, and keeping others around him happy.
Allah Enjoins Goodness to Women
Miqdam ibn Ma‘dikarib (Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Verily, Allah enjoins you to be good to women. Verily, Allah enjoins you to be good to women, for they are your mothers, sisters, and aunts.”
What you are doing is hugely rewarded but undervalued in many of our cultures. At times, there is no empathy at all. You are giving up your rights for the sake of extended family harmony.
I urge you to read the following links and answers to find ways and strategies. Make dua to Allah always throughout the day and ask Him for help, relief, and empathy from all. Read two rakats daily for need. And speak to your husband thoughtfully with wisdom for support and contributions to what you do.
I pray that Allah makes your living situation easier. You have undertaken a very challenging and commendable act of worship by keeping your mother-in-law company every day in her old age. Whatever you sacrifice for Allah’s sake will be rewarded in full, and no one is more generous than Allah.
Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult a reliable Muslim counselor about the specifics of the situation. May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you.
Please go through the valuable answers and links below. Insha’Allah, they will provide you with guidance and direction.
Related
- Contented In-laws
- abusive in-laws Archives
- How Does One Perform the Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)?
- Is a Woman Ever Rewarded at the Expense of a Man?
Why not begin your search for knowledge by signing up for a course on SeekersGuidance? You can choose from the Islamic Studies Curriculum or the Youth Islamic Studies Curriculum and progress through each course step by step.
I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.
