Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Insights from Sura Hujurat – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
This is the third of a series of articles based on the On-Demand Course Conflict Resolution in Marriage. This course delves into the Islamic guidance on resolving marital conflicts, drawing insights from the Quran, the Sunna of the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace), scholarly wisdom, and contemporary perspectives.
Sura Hujurat, a profound chapter of the Quran, offers timeless guidance on resolving disputes and building stronger relationships. This article highlights five key principles of conflict resolution derived from this Sura.
The Significance of Sura Hujurat
Sura Hujurat is one of the Quran’s most remarkable chapters. It emphasizes the rights and responsibilities we owe to Allah, His Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace), our community, and ourselves. It also guides us in navigating relationships—be it as members of society, as individuals, or as spouses. This Sura, though brief with less than 20 verses, contains profound wisdom.
Five Keys to Conflict Resolution from Sura Hujurat
1. Verify Information Before Reacting
Allah instructs in the Quran:
“If a corrupt person comes to you with information, investigate it, lest you harm others out of ignorance and later regret your actions.” [Quran, 49:6]
In relationships, especially marriage, this principle is critical. Jumping to conclusions based on incomplete or inaccurate information can cause unnecessary harm. Whether it’s hearing something from others or interpreting a situation negatively, we are commanded to confirm the truth before forming judgments.
For instance, if something suspicious arises, rather than making negative assumptions, one should approach the situation calmly and investigate. Trust builds on clarity, not suspicion.
2. Avoid Negative Assumptions
Negative assumptions are a root cause of misunderstandings. The Quran warns:
“Beware of suspicion, for much of suspicion is sinful.” [Quran, 49:12]
The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) echoed this by saying:
“Beware of negative judgments, for they are the falsest of statements.”
In marriage, it’s easy to misinterpret behaviors or actions without fully understanding the context. For example, noticing something unusual, like unexplained phone calls, can lead to distrust if approached with suspicion. Instead, approach with honesty and an open mind.
Building trust requires not just trusting the other person but also refraining from behaviors that could erode trust.
3. Commit to Reconciliation
Reconciliation is a recurring theme in Sura Hujurat. Allah Most High says:
“If two groups among the believers fight, make peace between them…” [Quran, 49:9]
While the verse refers to disputes among groups, the principle applies to individuals, especially in marriage. The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) emphasized:
“The best of faith is to mend strained relationships.”
Reconciliation requires wisdom, patience, and a willingness to prioritize the relationship over being “right.” Imam Razi defines wisdom (hikma) as acting with consideration of consequences. Instead of escalating disputes, couples should focus on resolution through understanding and mutual respect.
4. Overlook Faults and Show Compassion
One of the most valuable traits in relationships is the ability to overlook small mistakes. As Imam Ghazali advised, sometimes it’s better to act as if you didn’t notice a minor fault rather than confront it.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) taught:
“Whoever covers the faults of a believer, Allah will cover their faults in this life and the next.”
This does not mean ignoring major issues, but rather choosing battles wisely and steering one another toward improvement with compassion and patience. Criticism often leads to defensiveness, while kindness fosters growth.
5. Foster a Spirit of Trust and Commitment
Trust and commitment are essential for a successful marriage. Contemporary marriage experts like John Gottman emphasize that trust is built on:
- Trusting the other party.
- Behaving in ways that reinforce that trust.
This is supported by Islamic teachings, which stress honesty and transparency in relationships. Open communication and shared efforts toward building a strong foundation are vital.
The Quran reminds us to approach all matters with honesty and humility, which are cornerstones of trust.
The principles derived from Sura Hujurat provide a framework for navigating conflicts in marriage. They emphasize trust, reconciliation, and mutual respect while cautioning against hasty judgments and negative assumptions.
By implementing these teachings, couples can foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Sura Hujurat reminds us that maintaining harmony is not just beneficial for our personal lives but also a reflection of faith and submission to Allah’s guidance.
See Articles in this Series
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Reality of Marriage – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
- The Pillars of Marriage
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Insights from Sura Hujurat
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Wisdom, Fairness, and the Four Horsemen
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Building a Loving and Respectful Marriage
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: A Comprehensive Guide – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Importance of Addressing Harm in Relationships
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Deep Listening and Positive Communication