Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Importance of Addressing Harm in Relationships – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
This is the seventh of a series of articles based on the On-Demand Course Conflict Resolution in Marriage. This course delves into the Islamic guidance on resolving marital conflicts, drawing insights from the Quran, the Sunna of the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace), scholarly wisdom, and contemporary perspectives.
In relationships, especially marriages, challenges are inevitable. However, when harm, wrongdoing, or abuse becomes part of the equation, it’s critical to address these issues with wisdom, care, and faith. This article explores the complexities of such situations, emphasizing the balance between seeking reconciliation and recognizing when separation or divorce is necessary.
Addressing Abuse: A Case Study
In one instance, a husband exhibited abusive behavior—throwing his wife off the bed, kicking her in the stomach, and engaging in extramarital affairs without remorse. In such cases, immediate action is vital. Abuse—whether physical, emotional, or psychological—cannot be justified or ignored. The principle here is clear: step away from harm first, then seek consultation to determine the best course of action.
Sometimes, separation may offer time for reflection, allowing either party to change their behavior. In other cases, immediate divorce may be the only viable option.
The Role of Intervention
An example from my university days highlights the importance of seeking help. A family approached me for advice about an uncle who regularly drank and physically abused his wife and daughter. I consulted a trusted scholar, who advised calling the police if the behavior persisted. Eventually, legal consequences and mandatory intervention programs helped the individual overcome his destructive habits. Since then, he has refrained from drinking and abusive behavior.
This scenario illustrates that sometimes external intervention is necessary to break cycles of harm.
The Islamic Perspective on Divorce
Divorce is permissible in Islam but should never be hastened. Allah commands:
“Live with them in kindness or part with them in kindness.” [Quran, 2:231]
Before considering divorce, it’s essential to explore avenues for reconciliation:
- Open communication between spouses.
- Seeking counseling and mediation.
- Consulting trusted family members or scholars for advice.
However, when active wrongdoing, such as abuse, infidelity, or religious harm, persists, divorce becomes a valid option. As Allah states, “Whoever fears Allah, He will make for them a way out.” [Quran, 65:2-3] This verse reminds us that Allah provides openings and support when individuals take steps to uphold justice and faith.
Balancing Worldly and Religious Considerations
A common fear, especially for women in abusive relationships, is the uncertainty of life after divorce. Financial dependence or societal pressure often traps individuals in harmful situations. But remaining in such circumstances for worldly reasons undermines one’s emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.
In another example, an elderly man remained married to a woman who had left Islam decades earlier. She raised their children without Islamic values, resulting in deep pain for the father later in life. This case highlights the necessity of prioritizing religious and moral principles when evaluating relationships.
The Power of Consultation
Consultation is a source of strength, not weakness. Turning to trusted individuals, scholars, or family members can provide clarity and support. As mentioned, even a family member with practical wisdom can offer invaluable advice during challenging times.
Teachers and scholars are like doctors—they are there to address the most critical issues, not just superficial concerns. Utilize their guidance when navigating complex marital or familial challenges.
Upholding Gratitude and Mercy in Marriage
Marriage is described in the Quran as a sign of Allah’s mercy:
“And of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you love and mercy.” [Quran, 30:21]
To fulfill the purpose of marriage, it’s essential to:
- Approach it with gratitude.
- Uphold tender love and mercy in daily interactions.
- Follow the Sunna of the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) as a guide for nurturing harmonious relationships.
The Importance of Small Talk
Small talk often gets a bad reputation, but it holds significant value in building relationships. There is a difference between idle talk, which is inconsequential and self-serving, and meaningful small talk, which fosters connection. Allah commands us in the Quran to:
“Speak good to people.” [Quran, 2:83]
The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) exemplified this in his interactions. A narration highlights that when people approached the Prophet with questions, whether about worldly matters, work, or religion, he engaged them in those discussions. His neighbor, Zaid ibn Thabit, one of the scribes of revelation, shared how the Prophet would adapt to the conversation at hand, whether it involved work, food, or even the simple joys of life.
The Prophet also paid attention to children, asking them about their pets or watching their games. He showed full interest and care, demonstrating that seemingly mundane conversations hold immense value in expressing love, care, and mercy.
The Social Purpose of Food
Food, beyond its physical nourishment, plays a vital social role. Preparing and sharing meals requires effort and fosters togetherness. It’s a bridge that brings people closer. The Prophet’s Sunna teaches us moderation in eating, emphasizing the spiritual and social benefits of restraint. As one scholar humorously pointed out, “The Sunna food is less,” aligning with the prophetic traditions of temperance in consumption.
On a metaphysical level, nothing in this worldly life truly matters, as Allah says:
“All that is upon it [the earth] will perish.” [Quran, 55:26]
However, at a practical level, people and relationships do matter. We are commanded to love, care for, and show gratitude to others for the sake of Allah. This dual understanding—the transient nature of life and the importance of our duties toward others—shapes our interactions.
Divorce is not an option to be taken lightly, but it is a necessary provision for situations of harm or irreconcilable differences. Trust in Allah, consult wisely, and take action that aligns with both worldly and spiritual well-being. By doing so, individuals can find the strength to navigate even the most challenging circumstances with faith and resilience.
See Articles in this Series
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Reality of Marriage – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
- The Pillars of Marriage
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Insights from Sura Hujurat
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Wisdom, Fairness, and the Four Horsemen
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Building a Loving and Respectful Marriage
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: A Comprehensive Guide – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Importance of Addressing Harm in Relationships
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Deep Listening and Positive Communication
