Is It Permissible to Hide Things or Tease Loved Ones Playfully?

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question

Is it permissible to playfully hide someone’s things, or tease them while playing, if it causes only momentary fear or annoyance rather than real distress? For example, when my small nephew keeps trying to get all the pillows onto the bed, I throw each one back so he has to go again—is this kind of playful annoyance allowed, even right up to the point where he starts to lose his patience?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Merciful and Compassionate

I hope you’re doing well, In sha’ Allah.

Yes. Jesting with those you love is permissible, and at times a Sunna, when it is a healthy jest: truthful, gentle, and free of fear or harm to the other person. The moment play frightens, vexes, or hurts, it is no longer jest, and it enters what the Sacred Law forbids.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) Jested, and Spoke Only the Truth

The Companions said, “Messenger of Allah, you jest with us.” He said, “I say only what is true.” [Tirmidhi]

His jest was affectionate and true. He said to an old woman, “No old woman shall enter Paradise.” She said, “What is the matter with them?” [Razin] He then reminded her of the verse, “Verily those on them We have brought forth in consummate perfection” [Quran 56:35; Keller, The Quran Beheld]: she would enter it, but not as an old woman.

He said to Anas (Allah be pleased with him), “O you of the two ears.” [Abu Dawud; Tirmidhi] A man asked him for a mount, and he said, “I shall carry you on the offspring of a she-camel.” The man said, “What shall I do with the offspring of a she-camel?” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Do camels give birth to anything but she-camels?” [Tirmidhi; Abu Dawud]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also played with children. Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reported: “The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) would mix with us so freely that he would say to a young brother of mine, ‘Abu Umayr, what has the little sparrow done?'” [Bukhari; Muslim] The boy’s little sparrow, which he used to play with, had died.

The Companions jested as well. When the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) invited Awf ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) into his small leather tent, Awf said, “All of me, Messenger of Allah?” He said, “All of you.” [Abu Dawud]

A man of the Helpers (Ansar) who was given to jesting was poked in the side by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) with a stick, and asked to get even. He said, “You are wearing a shirt, and I have no shirt on.” When the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) raised his shirt, the man embraced him and kissed his side, saying, “This is all I wanted, Messenger of Allah.” [Abu Dawud]

What the Jurists Say

Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him), citing Imam Ghazali, explains these sayings: “Allusive speech is permitted for a real purpose, such as gladdening another’s heart with jest, like his saying (Allah bless him and give him peace), ‘No old woman will enter Paradise,’ and ‘There is white in your husband’s eye,’ and ‘We will carry you on a camel’s young,’ and the like.” [Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

Ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with him): “Jesting in what is seemly is permissible; the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) jested, and said only what was true.”

The Conditions of Permissible Jest

Imam Ghazali (Allah have mercy on him) names the conditions. If you can manage “what the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) and his Companions were able to do, which is to jest while saying only what is true, hurting no heart, not going to excess in it, and keeping to it now and then, rarely, then there is no harm in it for you.” [Ghazali, Ihya Ulum al-Din]

The Hanafi faqih and hadith master Mulla Ali al-Qari (Allah have mercy on him) draws the line in one sentence: “Jesting is being at ease with another without hurting him; if it reaches hurt, it becomes mockery.” [Qari, Mirqat al-Mafatih, 1, 7.3061] Mockery is what Allah forbids: “O you who believe: Let no people mock another, for they may well be better than themselves.” [Quran 49:11; Keller, The Quran Beheld]

So a healthy jest is truthful, causes no fear or hurt, humiliates no one, is not made a habit, and is something the other person enjoys too.

Is a Momentary Fright Really Included?

You are right that these hadith concern a real effect on a person. But look at what happened. Ibn Abi Layla related: “The Companions of Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us that they were traveling with the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) when one of them fell asleep. Some of them went to a rope he had and took it, and he was startled. The Beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘It is not lawful for a Muslim to frighten another Muslim.'” [Abu Dawud] Nothing was stolen, and the fright was brief. Still, he forbade it.

He also said (Allah bless him and give him peace), “None of you should take his brother’s staff, whether in jest or in earnest; and whoever takes his brother’s staff, let him return it to him.” [Tirmidhi; Abu Dawud]

Mulla Ali al-Qari relays Abu Ubayd’s explanation: “It is that he takes his belongings not intending to steal them, but only intending to bring vexation upon him: he is playing at the theft, but in earnest in bringing vexation, alarm, and hurt upon him.” [Qari, Mirqat al-Mafatih]

So the measure is not how big the fear is, but what the act does to the other person’s heart. Hiding your sister’s phone so that she searches for it, worried, even for a minute, is taking a thing in jest while being earnest in alarm. A game in which she knows it is you and laughs along is shared play. When unsure, ask yourself: would their first feeling be laughter, or a sinking heart?

Playing With Your Nephew

Playing with a small child is from the Sunna. Throwing the pillow back is fine as long as he takes it as a game and laughs. Do not play until just before he loses his temper: the aim is his delight, not the edge of his patience. Stop while he is still laughing, let him win in the end, and leave him happy.

Let Your Jest Gladden Hearts

Jest that gladdens a heart follows the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace); jest that alarms or vexes does not. Keep it true, gentle, occasional, and welcome, and your play with your family becomes a way of giving them their due, with reward.

And Allah knows best.

Faraz Rabbani

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