Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
My daughter accused my husband of molesting her. He denies, it and swears by Qur’an that he hasn’t. Am I a bad mother for not believing her? She is s constant liar and have accused others of same while people are there she hates me, attacks me, disrespects me, hits her siblings and threatened to kill my second born.
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive me for the delay.
This is a deeply troubling situation. I urge you and your daughter to seek out family counselling. Even though your husband is denying her accusation, please, for your daughter’s sake, consider the reality that she may be telling the truth. It takes a tremendous amount of courage for a sexually abused young person to seek out help.
Your daughter sounds very hurt and angry. Victims of sexual abuse often become hypersexualised themselves. This is not an excuse for her problematic behaviour, but it is may be an explanation.
This is far too difficult for you to handle alone. I encourage you to contact a peaceful parenting coach such as Kathyrn Jones to help you. Your daughter sounds desperate for connection with you.
I encourage you to perform the Prayer of Need and beg Allah for a way out.
I know that right now, it can be unimaginable, but it is possible for you to support your daughter through this. As hard as it is, try to look beyond your own strong feelings of disgust, horror, rage and shame – look towards the real possibility that your daughter has been deeply wounded and betrayed by her own father.
Please trust that there is wisdom in all things, especially the hurtful things that can break out hearts.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.