How to Deal with My Mother, Who Threatened to Cut Me Off If I Moved Out?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
After my marriage, my sisters influenced my mother; they misbehaved with my wife and me and didn’t even care about my daughter. My mother always took the side of her daughter. After arguing for a few months, I realized we could not live together in one home, so I moved my family out. But my mother said we would cut you off forever if you moved out. Since then, they have not contacted me and slandered me in front of all my relatives. So who will be guilty as per Islam?
Answer
I empathize with your pain. Your blood is not speaking to you and has caused you pain and problems. May Allah rectify your relationship with them so you can all get along peacefully.
Know that you are not at fault for the details you gave me. You have given your wife her right to separate living space, and you have chosen to live in peace instead of living a life of arguing and fighting. I see this as very praiseworthy and wise.
Please see this link for more information on this subject:
How to Maintain Ties of Kinship Despite Hateful Siblings?
Can We Break Family Ties With Siblings Who Treat Us Badly?
Abuse and Breaking the Ties of Kinship
It is not permissible for a mother to cut off her son forever; it is not even permissible to cut any tie of kinship for more than three days. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Kinship (Rahim) is derived from the All-Merciful (Rahman). When someone maintains the connections of kinship ties, they maintain a connection with Him. If someone cuts them off, they cut Him off. It (kinship) will have an unfettered, eloquent tongue on the Day of Rising.” [Al-Albani]
Remember that you can’t control anyone’s actions but can control your own. Be kind to your mother and sisters, and stay in contact, even if it’s just a short weekly message. Start with your mother only so you can build up gradually. Now that you control your surroundings interacting with them should be less threatening. Perhaps invite them to your house during Ramadan. Know that their bashing you behind your back will not affect you and will only harm them. Allah is the defender of His servants, and He will be on your side as long as you are doing the correct thing.
If you have done anything that may have hurt your mother and sisters, do repent for it sincerely and commit to improving your relationship with them. Anything you seek through Allah will be easy, and anything you seek through yourself will be complicated. May Allah give you the best of both worlds
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
