Abuse and Breaking the Ties of Kinship
Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: As-salamu alaykum,
Fisrt: Can you please tell me the Islamic ruling for a person who wants to distance themselves from a family who repeatedly subject them to various kinds of abuse such as emotional, discrimination, neglect almost on an everyday basis over many years, with no signs of stopping?
Second: is it permissible for this person to talk about their situation to other people in order to get help, without the fear of punishment from Allah, especially when it comes to parents due to their high status?
Third: is it better for this person to remain patient with the calamity Allah has decreed and only seek help from Allah alone through prayer, supplication etc. or should they also seek help from the people; who would qualify as the right people to contact?
Fourth: if this person forgives the family, even if they do not ask for forgiveness, what will be their state in the eyes of Allah in this life and the life to come? Also what will be the state of the person being abused in the eyes of Allah in this life and the life to come?
Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
(1) Harm is to be avoided. You should get in touch with somebody who can assist directly in your situation.
(2) Yes, it is permissible. However, do so in a manner that is not simply venting. See: When is Backbiting Permissible?
(3) No, we are called upon to take the means. Nobody said to sit still and suffer. Seek out somebody who can help. As for whom, it depends on the situation. Consider getting in touch with a local, reliable scholar.
(4) Forgiving those who have wronged one is from the high, noble sunna. Allah knows well the difficulties people face. Stay strong, ask Allah to lift the trial, pray the Prayer of Need [see: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?], seek out some righteous company, and keep asking Allah for help.
And see: A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah and: How Do You Distinguish Between a Test From Allah and Punishment?
And Allah alone gives success.
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani