What Can I Do as I Feel Lost after Having Completed My Waiting Period after Divorce?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

Me and my husband have had issues since marriage. He was in a relationship with another lady. He was abusive both physically and mentally for almost four years. Later on, he completely changed and took good care of me. But I felt he was restrictive, and I asked for a divorce a couple of times, and he said we shall work out together. One day, he was physical and had to complain to the police.

After that, he gave me his first divorce in front of Imam. The Imam told us to see him after the ‘idda period. I have finished my three menstrual cycles, and I have asked him to take me back during the ‘idda period, but he said no.

I still want to be with him as I feel I can’t handle three kids alone and need some support. Please guide me; I feel lost.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question. I am sad to hear about your situation.

You and your ex-husband can remarry with a fresh marriage contract and dowry (mahr), as he has only given you one divorce, and you have completed the waiting period.

When the waiting period (idda) of a divorcee ends, marriage also ends with it. They are no longer husband and wife. The couple are now strangers (non-mahram).  The only way is if they remarry with a fresh marriage contract (nikah) and dowry (mahr). [Ibn ‘Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar; Maydani, al-Lubab Fi Sharh al-Kitab]

However, in your case, you have to reconsider, as he has been abusive seriously. Also, he has to be told to behave responsibly as a husband. It would be better to get a reliable local Imam or scholar involved and go through the importance of a family. It’s not about the two of you now; it is about a family of five people and how best to upbring a family of three children and give them good nurturing.

In this way, the Imam or local scholar can remind each other to commit to working on the marriage and not allow any shortcomings to lead to divorce. Also, both should pray to Allah Most High regularly and perform two rakat of Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja).

I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. You will receive guidance and direction in sha Allah.

Related:

• Does Divorce Come in Effect in Extreme Anger?
• A Little Fiqh on Controlling One’s Anger
• Shaykh Faraz Rabbani – “The Position of Islam on Divorce, Adoption and Abortion.” [Video]
• What are the Wisdoms behind the Rulings on Divorce in Islam?
• What is the Purpose of Marriage? A Muslim Perspective – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
• Divorce Archives
• Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
• Istikhara, The Prayer of Seeking Guidance: The Ultimate Guide – A Reader

Why not begin your search for knowledge by signing up for a course on SeekersGuidance?

I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.