Am I Sinful for Still Loving the Man I Left for Allah’s Sake?
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Question
I ended a non-halal relationship for Allah’s sake while waiting for a potential marriage proposal next year, blocking him on all platforms. Can I keep his blocked number saved on my phone, as my father suggested, provided there is zero contact? Is it sinful to feel deep emotional pain over our separation and to worry that he is hurting too? Am I sinful for praying to marry him without adding, “or let us forget each other if it is not meant to be,” out of fear that Allah will give me someone else? Am I sinful if he proposes years later and I turn him down because my feelings have changed?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Merciful and Compassionate.
You left someone you love for Allah’s sake. The pain you feel is the cost of that choice. Nothing you mention is sinful.
Nothing You Ask About Is a Sin
Keep his number, blocked and unused, as your father asks. Saving a number is not a contact. Honoring your father’s request is good in itself. If it becomes a temptation, let him know.
Two. Feeling hurt is not a sin, nor is grieving that he may be hurting. As his son Ibrahim (Allah be pleased with him) lay dying, the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) wept and said: “The eye weeps and the heart grieves, yet we say only what pleases our Lord.” [Bukhari] He called those tears a mercy. Allah asks of you what he showed: to say only what pleases your Lord.
You are not sinful for leaving that line out. Ask Allah to make him your husband, and do not fear that asking for good will take him from you. In the prayer for guidance (istikhara), the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) taught his Companions to ask that Allah “ordain for me what is good wherever it may be, then make me pleased with it.” [Bukhari] If he is your good, that du’a asks for him. If not, it asks that you find peace with what Allah chooses.
Your aching heart is not a sin. Allah Most High says: “Allah does not tax any soul but what it can bear” [Quran 2:286; Keller, The Quran Beheld]. You did not choose the feeling. You chose what to do about it, and you chose well.
If he proposes years from now and your heart has changed, you may decline without sin. Marriage rests on your consent. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “A previously married woman may not be married until she has been consulted, and a virgin may not be married until her permission has been sought.” [Bukhari; Muslim] Weigh any proposal by his religion, his character, the prayer for guidance, and your father’s advice.
Keep the Door You Shut Closed
Do not check his profiles or ask about him through friends. Leave that door closed. Fill the space with what lifts you: prayer on time, a little Quran each day, remembrance of Allah, good company, and useful work or study. When the ache rises, turn it into du’a. Keep your father close. If a proposal comes, let it come through the families, in the open.
Trust Allah With What Comes Next
You trusted Allah when you walked away. That trust is safe. Allah Most High says: “And whoever trusts in Allah, He always suffices” [Quran 65:3; Keller, The Quran Beheld]. He may bring you together in the halal way you hope, or give you better and settle your heart with it. Nothing you bear for His sake is lost.
Make this your du’a, which the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to say:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْهُدَى وَالتُّقَى وَالْعَفَافَ وَالْغِنَى
Allahumma inni asʾaluka al-huda wa al-tuqa wa al-afafa wa al-ghina.
“O Allah, I ask You for guidance, mindful piety, chastity, and sufficiency.” [Muslim]
And Allah knows best.
Faraz Rabbani
Related Answers
- Is It Permissible To Ask for a Specific Person To Be Your Spouse? — A short answer confirming it is permissible to ask Allah in du’a to make a specific person your spouse, with links on du’a etiquette.
- How To Come Out of a Haram Relationship? — End the relationship, by raising marriage with the parents or separating completely, and trust that what is left for Allah is replaced with better.
- How Do I Cope Up With Losing a Suitor? — After a long forbidden relationship ends, move on with repentance and seek marriage properly, with the parents involved and a prayer for a pious spouse.
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a recognized specialist scholar in the Islamic sciences, having studied under leading scholars from around the world. He is the Founder and Executive Director of SeekersGuidance.Shaykh Faraz stands as a distinguished figure in Islamic scholarship. His journey in seeking knowledge is marked by dedication and depth. He spent ten years studying under some of the most revered scholars of our times. His initial studies took place in Damascus. He then continued in Amman, Jordan. In Damascus, he was privileged to learn from the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas. Shaykh Adib al-Kallas was renowned as the foremost theologian of his time. Shaykh Faraz also studied under Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi in Damascus. Shaykh Hassan is recognized as one of the leading Hanafi jurists of our era. Upon completing his studies, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in 2007. His return marked a new chapter in his service to the community. He founded SeekersGuidance. The organization reflects his commitment to spreading Islamic knowledge. It aims to be reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible. This mission addresses both online and on-the-ground needs. Shaykh Faraz is also an accomplished author. His notable work includes “Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School.” This book, published by White Thread Press in 2004, is a significant contribution to Islamic literature. His influence extends beyond his immediate community. Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been recognized as one of the 500 most influential Muslims. This recognition comes from the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center. It underscores his impact on the global Islamic discourse. Shaykh Faraz Rabbani’s life and work embody a profound commitment to Islamic scholarship. His teachings continue to enlighten and guide seekers of knowledge worldwide.
