Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I’m seventeen years old and have been in a non-physical relationship for ten months now with a 19-year-old. I knew it was wrong, but I told myself it was ok because we were not physically.
He was a good friend who said he liked me, so we started hanging out at school and texting, that’s it. I love him and want to marry him, but we are too young to ask our parents.
How will Allah let it have a good end if it doesn’t even please Him? We are super attached, and I know I should break it off but how do I break his heart? I have slowed my interaction; I reply after weeks and text less, but it hurts him. I don’t want to lose a perfectly great guy. Is this entirely haram, and should I break it off? How?
I empathize with your pain. Nothing is easy about loving someone and not having real peace with it. I commend you for keeping the relationship non-physical, for that is a great test, and your problems would have been worse.
You are correct in thinking that you should cut off this relationship. It is not halal by any means, and deep down, you know that. It’s also, in my opinion, harder when you text less often or don’t reply for weeks. It confuses him and drags on his pain much longer.
It’s much easier to rip the bandaid off and tell him that you are not comfortable anymore with doing something that is displeasing to Allah. There are no blessings in this.
Tell him that you have two choices. Either you both talk to your parents and at least get engaged to marry, or you stay away from each other, and if things are meant to be, you will return to one another in a few years. If you find other spouses, that is still better for you than this. Both choices sound impossible, but they are your only choices.
Make du’a that Allah facilitates this issue for you, help you heal, and gives you patience. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Ahmad]
Focus on good things, like fulfilling your obligations to Allah, reading some Quran daily, keeping religious friends company, and learning more about your deen. May Allah give you all the best.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.