Is It Permissible in Islam to Wail in Grief or Hold the Deceased?
Hanafi Fiqh
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Question
I know wailing over someone’s death is haram, but I read that it is permissible if it is the only way to ease the pain, provided one does not mock Allah or question His decree. I do not trust the source, so could you clarify?
Also, if someone dies in another person’s arms, is it permissible to hug or cradle their body out of sadness, provided they are the same gender or mahram? I understand kissing the deceased’s forehead is permissible. I follow Hanafi fiqh but would appreciate a brief summary of other schools’ views.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Merciful and Compassionate.
Wa alaykum al-salam.
May Allah reward you: wanting to know His command even at the hour of death, the hardest hour the living face, comes from mindfulness of Allah (taqwa) and a commitment to following the prophets (peace be upon them) and the Sacred Law.
Tears and sorrow over the dead are permissible, but wailing aloud in lament (niyaha) is not permissible, even to ease the pain, so what you read isn’t reliable.
Holding or cradling the body of one who has just died is permissible for a mahram or someone of the same gender, out of love and free of desire, just as the Hanafi texts permit kissing the deceased on that condition.
The Line Falls at the Raised Voice and the Lament
The important late-Hanafi reference al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya relates that “loud wailing is not permissible, and weeping with a tender heart carries no harm.” [al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya]
Imam Tahtawi adds that weeping over the deceased isn’t disliked when it comes even with flowing tears, but (a) without raising the voice in crying, (b) without wailing, (c) without tearing clothes, (d) without striking the cheek, and the like. This applies both before and after death. [Tahtawi, Hashiyat al-Tahtawi ala Maraqi al-Falah]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) wept as his son Ibrahim was dying and said, “Truly the eye sheds tears, and the heart grieves, yet we say nothing but what pleases our Lord; and we are grieved at your parting, O Ibrahim.” [Bukhari and Muslim]
Not objecting to Allah, the condition you read, is one among several. The Hanbali scholar, Imam Ibn Muflih, records that weeping over the dead is permissible when it is free of any unlawful act, and he mentions wailing and displeasure with Allah’s decree and destiny. [Ibn Muflih, al-Adab al-Sharʿiyya]
Weeping That Overpowers You Isn’t Held Against You
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah does not punish for the tears of the eye or the grief of the heart, but He punishes for this,” and he pointed to his tongue, “or shows mercy.” [Bukhari and Muslim]
When the pain is more than you can bear, remind yourself of Prophet Yaʿqub’s words (peace be upon him): “I but complain my ungovernable anguish and sorrow to Allah; And I know of Allah what you know not.” [Quran 12:86; Keller, The Quran Beheld]
Holding the Deceased Out of Love Is Permissible
Imam Shurunbulali writes that “there is no harm in kissing the deceased, out of love and seeking blessing, as a farewell, free of anything prohibited.” [Shurunbulali, Maraqi al-Falah]
Imam Tahtawi explains that “free of anything prohibited” is “a condition of permissibility; if it is with desire, it is unlawful.” [Tahtawi, Hashiyat al-Tahtawi ala Maraqi al-Falah]
By extension, holding or cradling the body is subject to the same ruling and conditions: a mahram holding a woman, a woman holding a woman, a man holding a man, with mercy and no desire.
Across the schools, “the Hanafis, Shafiʿis, and Hanbalis hold it permissible to kiss the face of the deceased.” [al-Mawsuʿa al-Fiqhiyya al-Kuwaytiyya]
Remembering Death Answers the Prophet’s Call
Consciously or not, a question like yours answers the call of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said, “Make much remembrance of the destroyer of pleasures,” meaning death. [Tirmidhi]
Keep your tongue busy with supplication, remembrance, Quran, and words that are pleasing to your Lord, and trust that the One who placed grief in the heart meets it with His mercy.
And Allah knows best.
Faraz Rabbani
Related Answers
One. What Is the Spiritual Meaning of Compound, Unseen Loss and Grief? — Shaykh Faraz Rabbani: Patience is the discipline of the tongue and limbs while the eye weeps and the heart grieves.
Two. Dealing with Death: Inward & Outward Manners — Shaykh Faraz Rabbani: The inward patience and reflection death calls for, and what the family does for the deceased.
Three. Is the Deceased Punished for Improper Burial or the Wailing of Relatives? — Shaykh Faraz A. Khan: The deceased isn’t punished for others’ wailing unless he willed it.
Four. How To Benefit from Remembering Death? — Ustadh Shuaib Ally: How to remember death so that it turns you toward the Hereafter.
Courses for Further Study
Every course here is free, each has a named teacher, and you can put your questions to the teacher as you study.
One. The Realities of Death and Dying — Shaykh Faraz Rabbani: A study of death, dying, and the afterlife, and how remembering death draws one closer to Allah.
Two. Renewal by the Book: Daily Qur’an Tafsir Based on Imam Ghazali’s Ihya — Shaykh Faraz Rabbani: Verses chosen by Imam Ghazali on purification, patience, and repentance, explained for daily practice.
النصوص · Source-Texts
[الفتاوى الهندية] «وَأَمَّا النَّوْحُ الْعَالِي فَلَا يَجُوزُ وَالْبُكَاءُ مَعَ رِقَّةِ الْقَلْبِ لَا بَأْسَ بِهِ»
[الطحطاوي، حاشية الطحطاوي على مراقي الفلاح] «ولا يكره البكاء عليه بإرسال الدموع بلا رفع صوت ولا نياحة ولا شق ثوب وضرب خد ونحو ذلك وسواء في ذلك قبل الموت وبعده على الصحيح»
[البخاري ومسلم] «إن العين تدمع والقلب يحزن ولا نقول إلا ما يرضي ربنا وإنا بفراقك يا إبراهيم لمحزونون»
[ابن مفلح، الآداب الشرعية] «يَجُوزُ الْبُكَاءُ عَلَى الْمَيِّتِ إذَا تَجَرَّدَ عَنْ فِعْلٍ مُحَرَّمٍ مِنْ نَدْبٍ وَنِيَاحَةٍ وَتَسَخُّطٍ بِقَضَاءِ اللَّهِ وَقَدَرِهِ الْمَحْتُومِ»
[الترمذي] «لَا، وَلَكِنْ نَهَيْتُ عَنْ صَوْتَيْنِ أَحْمَقَيْنِ فَاجِرَيْنِ: صَوْتٍ عِنْدَ مُصِيبَةٍ، خَمْشِ وُجُوهٍ، وَشَقِّ جُيُوبٍ، وَرَنَّةِ شَيْطَانٍ»
[البخاري ومسلم] «ألا تسمعون أن الله لا يعذب بدمع العين ولا بحزن القلب ولكن يعذب بهذا وأشار إلى لسانه أو يرحم»
[النووي، منهاج الطالبين] «ويجوز البكاء عليه قبل الموت وبعده ويحرم الندب بتعديد شمائله والنوح والجزع بضرب صدره ونحوه»
[الخطيب الشربيني، مغني المحتاج] «قَالَ الرُّويَانِيُّ: وَيُسْتَثْنَى مَا إذَا غَلَبَهُ الْبُكَاءُ فَإِنَّهُ لَا يَدْخُلُ تَحْتَ النَّهْيِ؛ لِأَنَّهُ مِمَّا لَا يَمْلِكُهُ الْبَشَرُ»
[الشرنبلالي، مراقي الفلاح] «ولا بأس بتقبيل الميت للمحبة والتبرك توديعا خالصة عن محظور»
[الطحطاوي، حاشية الطحطاوي على مراقي الفلاح] «خالصة عن محظور هذا قيد في الجواز أما إذا كانت لشهوة فحرام»
[الزيلعي، تبيين الحقائق] «الْمَكْرُوهُ مِنْ الْمُعَانَقَةِ مَا كَانَ عَلَى وَجْهِ الشَّهْوَةِ، وَأَمَّا عَلَى وَجْهِ الْبِرِّ وَالْكَرَامَةِ فَجَائِزٌ»
[الموسوعة الفقهية الكويتية] «ذَهَبَ الْحَنَفِيَّةُ وَالشَّافِعِيَّةُ وَالْحَنَابِلَةُ إِلَى جَوَازِ تَقْبِيل وَجْهِ الْمَيِّتِ»
[الترمذي] «أَكْثِرُوا ذِكْرَ هَاذِمِ اللَّذَّاتِ»
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a recognized specialist scholar in the Islamic sciences, having studied under leading scholars from around the world. He is the Founder and Executive Director of SeekersGuidance.Shaykh Faraz stands as a distinguished figure in Islamic scholarship. His journey in seeking knowledge is marked by dedication and depth. He spent ten years studying under some of the most revered scholars of our times. His initial studies took place in Damascus. He then continued in Amman, Jordan. In Damascus, he was privileged to learn from the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas. Shaykh Adib al-Kallas was renowned as the foremost theologian of his time. Shaykh Faraz also studied under Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi in Damascus. Shaykh Hassan is recognized as one of the leading Hanafi jurists of our era. Upon completing his studies, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in 2007. His return marked a new chapter in his service to the community. He founded SeekersGuidance. The organization reflects his commitment to spreading Islamic knowledge. It aims to be reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible. This mission addresses both online and on-the-ground needs. Shaykh Faraz is also an accomplished author. His notable work includes “Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School.” This book, published by White Thread Press in 2004, is a significant contribution to Islamic literature. His influence extends beyond his immediate community. Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been recognized as one of the 500 most influential Muslims. This recognition comes from the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center. It underscores his impact on the global Islamic discourse. Shaykh Faraz Rabbani’s life and work embody a profound commitment to Islamic scholarship. His teachings continue to enlighten and guide seekers of knowledge worldwide.
