What Should I Do When a Man From a Past Relationship Is Blackmailing Me?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Question

I am a twenty-year-old Muslim woman. Several years ago I became involved with a Muslim man, and it turned into a relationship without commitment. I realized he was not right for me and wanted to end it. Now he is blackmailing me, and I am miserable. What should I do?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

What he is doing to you is unlawful, and you are permitted to protect yourself from it by every lawful means, including asking your family and, if needed, the authorities for help. Any relationship between a man and a woman outside marriage is unlawful and without blessing, and the way out of it is sincere repentance. Once you repent, the past is gone between you and Allah. You do not have to carry it on your conscience, and you do not have to give in to him.

May Allah remove this distress from you, protect you from his harm, and give you a future better than your past.

Your Repentance Closes the Past

Imam Nawawi (Allah have mercy on him) explains that repentance has three pillars: to stop the sin, to regret having done it, and to resolve never to return to it. [Nawawi, Sharh Sahih Muslim] You have already done the first by leaving. Complete the other two, and Allah, who accepts repentance, will accept yours.

Allah has concealed this part of your life, so keep it concealed. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “All of my community will be pardoned except those who make their sins public.” [Muslim] Imam Nawawi defines these as people who reveal what Allah has concealed and speak of it “without necessity or need.” [Nawawi, Sharh Sahih Muslim] Telling a trusted person only what they need to know to protect you is a need, and it is not the exposure the hadith condemns.

Blackmail Is a Wrong You May Stop

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “It is not lawful for a Muslim to frighten a Muslim.” [Abu Dawud] Holding your past over you to control you is far worse than that. Allah Most High says, “There is no blame on those who enforce justice after being wronged.” [Quran 42:41] In our school, the ruler may punish any sin that has no fixed penalty, so a man who threatens and extorts is answerable before the law. [Nawawi, Minhaj al-Talibin]

In practice, do not bend to his demands and do not send him anything; every concession tells him that his threats work. If you think his conscience can be reached, one short message reminding him of Allah is enough, and after that, stop replying. Keep a record of his messages. Then speak to a family member you trust, such as a father, brother, or uncle, who can approach him or his family firmly and with wisdom. If that does not stop him, report him to the police. In many countries, threatening to share private material is a crime, and social media platforms will remove it when it is reported.

Turn to Allah With Your Need

Pray two units of the Prayer of Need (salat al-haja), which is recommended in the Shafiʿi school, and then ask Allah for your release. When the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) feared people, he would say, “O Allah, we place You before them, and we seek refuge in You from their evil” (Allahumma inna najʿaluka fi nuhurihim, wa naʿudhu bika min shururihim). [Abu Dawud] He also said that the supplication of one who has been wronged is answered without doubt. [Abu Dawud]

You are young, and this chapter of your life does not define you. Allah Most High says, “And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine.” [Quran 65:2–3]

And Allah knows best.

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Related Answers

• What Should I Do about My Ex-boyfriend Blackmailing Me? — Refuse the blackmail and any thought of marrying him; giving in to fear-based pressure protects neither your faith nor your future.
• How Can I Get My Ex-boyfriend To Delete My Pictures After I Got Religious? — Cut off contact rather than pleading for deleted photos, and leave the outcome to Allah’s care.
• Is Salat al-Haja Sunna or Nafl in the Shafiʿi School? — In the Shafiʿi school, the Prayer of Need is simply a recommended voluntary prayer — sunna, nafl, and mustahabb here mean the same thing.
• How Do I Get Over the Regret of Having Haram Relationships? — Repent sincerely, strengthen your practice through prayer and good company, and know a past mistake does not bar you from a good marriage.

 

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the late world-renowned scholar Mawlana Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), where he specialized in Shafiʿi fiqh and issuing legal verdicts (ifta). He holds an MA (Cum Laude) in Semitic Languages from the University of Johannesburg and teaches at SeekersGuidance.