Ustadh Salman Younas is asked about having doubts on one’s Islam and feeling overwhelmed by bad luck and misgivings about one’s faith and acts of worship.
Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.
I keep thinking with very strong conviction that i keep committing apostasy and fear on the loss of my good deeds. I feel that it is me not Shaytan, may Allah’s curse be upon him, doing this although I know this might be him only. I keep suffering from “bad luck” issues like getting hurt unreasonably and most of the time things not going my way.
Also in Salah and wudu I get strong convictions that it becomes invalid due to breaking wind, etc. I feel that the whole world is against me because every time bad things happen to me. Am I affected by some magic or evil eye?
Please reply as I have been going through much since I started becoming a practicing Muslim.
So long as you believe that God is one and the Prophet (blessings upon him) is His last messenger, you are a Muslim.
Thoughts that may occur to you of having committed apostasy are most certainly from the devil. Islam is not a faith that a person can be casually removed from. Rather, as Imam al-Tahawi states, a person only leaves faith by denying (in a clear and decisive manner) that which brought him into faith. Take the following hadith that illustrates this point quite vividly:
Hudhaya said, “The Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, said: ‘Islam will wear out as embroidery on a garment wears out until such a time that none will no what fasting, prayer, pilgrimage, and charity are. The Qur’an will be taken away at night and not a single verse of it will be left on earth. Some people will be left – old men and women – who will say, “We saw our fathers saying these words there is no god but Allah and so we say them as well.”’ Silah said to Hudhayfa, ‘What good will saying la ilaha illa Allah do them when they do not know what fasting, prayer, pilgrimage, and charity are?’ Hudhayfa turned away from him. He repeated the question three times and Hudhayfa turned away from him each time. Then Hudhayfa turned to him on the third instance and said three times, ‘Silah, it will save them from the fire.’” (Ibn Majah with a strong chain)
You should, therefore, ignore any whispers that enter your heart regarding your faith. Rather, continue to strengthen your faith through righteous acts and turning to God in your needs.
It seems from your other remarks that baseless misgivings are something that you are suffering from regularly. I would advise you to seek out people whom you trust who can help you in your struggles. These would include not only family, friends, and reliable scholars, but also professional counsels if required.
Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.