How Do I Deal With Others’ Betrayal of Me?
Question: In every relation, whether it’s my parents, my siblings, my relatives, my friends, or my colleagues- they misuse my good qualities. Some of them betrayed me, some of them expect materialistic gain, some of them hurt me. Please guide me and pray for me.
Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
May Allah Most High ease your difficulty and bless you with the strength to persevere.
Life is a Test
In situations such as this, we must remind ourselves that this life and everything in it is a test. The nature of tests is difficult and often we fail to see the wisdom behind them.
Allah Most High says, “…and We made some of you a test for others. Will you then bear patiently? And your Lord is All-Seeing.” [Qur’an; 25:20]
The tests that we go through regarding those we are close to us require patience. To strive to uphold the outward and inward commandments of Allah Most High in difficult times is the essence of patience (sabr) and God-consciousness (taqwa).
As Allah Most High says, “…if you bear patiently and have taqwa, their plot will not harm you at all.” [Qur’an; 03:120]
Reward according to Difficultly
You should see your relationships with others as an opportunity to refine yourself and your character. There are certain aspects of beautiful character that take an effort to adopt. And often, they can only be acquired in times of hardship.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Surely the extent of the reward is according to the extent of the test. And verily when Allah loves a people, He tests them. Thus whoever is pleased (i.e. with the decree of Allah) then for them is (Divine) contentment and whoever is angered, then for them is anger.” [Tirmidhi]
When Allah Most High tests someone He gives them opportunities to purify themselves and acquire Prophetic character. This opportunity is a sign of Allh’s love for that person.
As the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Should I not guide you to the noblest character of this world and the hereafter? Pardon those who wrong you, give to those who withhold from you, and join ties with those who cut you off.” [al-Bayhaqi; al-Sunan al-Kubra]
Being Cautious
With that being said, we must also be cautious not to allow others to step on us or take advantage of us. As the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The Believer is not bit from one hole twice.” [Muslim]
Thus, distancing yourself from those non-family members who harm you may be advisable. As for your family members, you should strive to uphold family ties although it is difficult.
Prayer of Need
You should try to pray each day, The Prayer of Need, as taught to us by the Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) and ask Allah Most High for righteous companions.
See the following link:
How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?
May Allah ease your difficulty
Allahu A’alam
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a graduate from Tarim; a student of Habib Umar and other luminaries; and authorized teachers of Qur’an and the Islamic sciences.
