Am I Sinful for Secretly Buying What My Parents Told Me Not to Buy?
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Question
If my parents tell me not to buy things, but I secretly purchase them using my own money and they never find out, am I sinful for disobeying them? If the items are haram in themselves, would I incur an additional sin of undutifulness toward parents (uquq al-walidayn), or only the sin of purchasing the haram items? What if my parents eventually find out but are not hurt or upset?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
Assalamu alaikum,
Quietly buying something permissible with your own money, after your parents said no, is not in itself from being bad to your parents (uquq al-walidayn), unless it would genuinely and reasonably hurt them.
Buying something haram that they forbade is different. In this case, it may well add to your sin, because you have displeased your parents as well as your Lord.
If they later find out and are not hurt, that lightens what you owe them; it does not lift the sin of the haram itself.
Imam Abu Saʿid al-Khadimi, relaying Imam Nawawi, defines undutifulness (uquq al-walidayn) as anything by which a parent is hurt “in a way that is not slight.” [Khadimi, al-Bariqa al-Mahmudiyya]
Secretly buying an ordinary permissible thing wouldn’t normally fulfill this criterion.
Defying your parents over something Allah forbade often does. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The Lord’s pleasure lies in the parent’s pleasure, and the Lord’s displeasure lies in the parent’s displeasure.” [Tirmidhi]
The Haram (Hypothetical) Case
You called the haram case hypothetical. I’ll answer it as though it isn’t, because the way out is the same: deep and real repentance.
Allah Most High says: “O you who believe: Repent to Allah from the utter depths of your conscience; Haply your Lord may absolve you of all your sins.” [Quran 66:8; Keller, The Quran Beheld]
Qadi Baydawi relates that Sayyiduna Ali (Allah be pleased with him) was asked about repentance. Among the six things he named were remorse for past sins, “that you resolve not to return,” and “that you raise yourself in obedience to Allah as you raised it in disobedience.” [Baydawi, Anwar al-Tanzil]
That’s what you need to focus on: Our scholars explain that ailments are treated by identifying and removing their causes. This is key.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Every illness has a cure; when the cure meets the illness, it heals by the leave of Allah.” [Muslim]
This relates both to physical as well as spiritual ailments.
So ask honestly what draws you to this buying, and cut it at the root.
When you can’t see how, think it through and consult a scholar you trust. Studying your religion helps with both: it shows you the cause, and it slowly changes you.
May the next thing you bring home be something your parents would be glad to see, and may Allah make you a joy to them.
And Allah knows best.
At your service,
Faraz Rabbani
Related Answers
One. Do I Commit Two Sins If I Defy My Parents in Something Already Haram? — Shaykh Faraz Rabbani: The haram act is one sin; defying parents’ explicit word becomes a second wrong when it hurts them.
Two. What Constitutes Disobeying One’s Parents (’Uquq al-Walidayn)? — Shaykh Farid Dingle: Undutifulness is real offense to parents, not every departure from their wishes.
Three. Can I Use My Cell Phone behind the Back of My Parents? — Ustadha Shazia Ahmad: Acting behind parents’ backs is not honoring them; openness and compromise are the better path.
«النصوص» · Source-Texts
[الخادمي، بريقة محمودية]
«وَالْعُقُوقُ كُلُّ مَا يَتَأَذَّى بِهِ الْوَالِدُ تَأَذِّيًا لَيْسَ بِهَيِّنٍ مَعَ كَوْنِهِ لَيْسَ مِنْ الْأَفْعَالِ الْوَاجِبَةِ ذَكَرَهُ النَّوَوِيُّ كَابْنِ الصَّلَاحِ»
[سنن الترمذي]
«رِضَى الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَى الوَالِدِ، وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ»
[البيضاوي، أنوار التنزيل]
«وسئل علي رضي الله تعالى عنه عن التوبة فقال: يجمعها ستة أشياء على الماضي من الذنوب الندامة، وللفرائض الإعادة، ورد المظالم، واستحلال الخصوم، وأن تعزم على أن لا تعود، وأن تربي نفسك في طاعة الله كما ربيتها في المعصية»
[صحيح مسلم]
«لِكُلِّ دَاءٍ دَوَاءٌ، فَإِذَا أُصِيبَ دَوَاءُ الدَّاءِ بَرَأَ بِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ»
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a recognized specialist scholar in the Islamic sciences, having studied under leading scholars from around the world. He is the Founder and Executive Director of SeekersGuidance.Shaykh Faraz stands as a distinguished figure in Islamic scholarship. His journey in seeking knowledge is marked by dedication and depth. He spent ten years studying under some of the most revered scholars of our times. His initial studies took place in Damascus. He then continued in Amman, Jordan. In Damascus, he was privileged to learn from the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas. Shaykh Adib al-Kallas was renowned as the foremost theologian of his time. Shaykh Faraz also studied under Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi in Damascus. Shaykh Hassan is recognized as one of the leading Hanafi jurists of our era. Upon completing his studies, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in 2007. His return marked a new chapter in his service to the community. He founded SeekersGuidance. The organization reflects his commitment to spreading Islamic knowledge. It aims to be reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible. This mission addresses both online and on-the-ground needs. Shaykh Faraz is also an accomplished author. His notable work includes “Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School.” This book, published by White Thread Press in 2004, is a significant contribution to Islamic literature. His influence extends beyond his immediate community. Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been recognized as one of the 500 most influential Muslims. This recognition comes from the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center. It underscores his impact on the global Islamic discourse. Shaykh Faraz Rabbani’s life and work embody a profound commitment to Islamic scholarship. His teachings continue to enlighten and guide seekers of knowledge worldwide.
