Conflict Resolution: Why We Differ

This is the first in a series of articles on the key principles of dealing with conflict in accordance with the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) from the seminar The Prophetic Principles of Conflict Resolution.

Allah has created us differently and that is just part of being created. There is wisdom in the differing of night and day, the differing of our colors and our backgrounds. There are signs of Allah. All these differences fulfill a greater purpose.

Who Are You?

Allah created us and in that are numerous signs. Allah has created you. That is who you are.

You are needy. We were born naked, without anything. We were born in utter need. Imagine if Allah had not placed within mothers the inclination to take care of their children. We would not survive. Human beings in that sense are weaker than some animals.

Allah says:

یَـٰۤأَیُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ أَنتُمُ ٱلۡفُقَرَاۤءُ إِلَى ٱللَّهِۖ وَٱللَّهُ هُوَ ٱلۡغَنِیُّ ٱلۡحَمِیدُ
“O mankind: it is you who are in utter need of Allah, and Allah is the Far Exalted above Need for Any, the All-laudable of bounty.” [Quran, 35:15; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]

We are weak as well. Allah tells us in the Quran:

وَخُلِقَ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنُ ضَعِيفًۭا
“And Man has been created direly weak.” [Quran, 4:28; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]

You have to be aware of yourself and others. Ultimately, it is only Allah who can fulfill our ultimate neediness. The fact that we are weak entails that we rely upon the only One who can alleviate our needs.

Abu Musa (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to me, “Shall I not guide you to a treasure from the treasures of Jannah?” I said: “Yes, O Messenger of Allah!” Thereupon he (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “(Recite) ‘La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah’ (There is no change of a condition nor power except by Allah).”

Conflicts Without and Within

If you think about conflict resolution, just as there are conflicts from without, there is a conflict within. Though you are one person, you have within you multiple tendencies and just as you have to deal with the conflicts. That, in many ways, is the greater conflict resolution.

There are reasons why society came together. We need others to fulfill our weakness and it is advantageous. Allah says:

وَجَعَلْنَـٰكُمْ شُعُوبًۭا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓا۟
“And but made you peoples and major tribes to know and appreciate your own kindred ties with each other” [Quran, 49:13; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]

This weakness that is fulfilled by coming together is at various levels. There is a material neediness. Most of the things that you have, you did not make yourself. You did not make your clothes, you did not plant your own food, you did not build your house, you did not secure the heating, lighting, modes of transportation etc. All your material needs are fulfilled through coming together with others.

Similarly, we have physical needs and that is why people marry, why people eat etc These have wisdoms. If we did not eat we’d die. If we did not procreate, humanity would die out. Consider even the emotional needs of humans about having children. There is a case to be made even for cats. Cats do not earn you anything and they do not hunt animals for you. You cannot sell anything the cats give you but we have them as pets.

Tribes and Nations

Human beings were created for one another. There are social needs. Allah has created us in tribes and nations and that is just part of the reality of our humanness.

We also have a spiritual heart, we have a heart and a soul – we have spiritual needs. Each of these needs: the material, physical, emotional, social, and the spiritual need people.In many ways, with the breakdown of society at many levels, there is an increasing degree of aloneness. People live alone and eat alone people. Even concerning families, each person in the family orders their own food. There is this element of aloneness due to people not being able to come together and deal with their differences.

To fulfill our weakness and our neediness at each of these levels, we need others. It is not just to deal with our weaknesses but also to attain the good that we seek in our worldly lives and also in our spiritual lives. There is a minor problem. Given our nature and our differing temperaments, backgrounds, interests, goals, aims, and whims, we will differ and our differences may get intense.

Even if we were just rational beings we would differ. For example, if Zubair and Zubaida both find one tree and Zubaida wants apples whereas Zubair wants the wood, they will differ, even rationally. What complicates it is that we are not just rational beings, we are also emotional beings. We have anger related to our weakness and our whims. That is part of one of the elements of the weakness of the human being.