I Still Love a Man Who Left Me

Question: I was in a relationship four years ago but one day he betrayed me. He is with another girl now. I still love him so much and I constantly ask Allah to give him to me in a halal way. I prayed istikhara a year back about it. My friend tells me not to pray for him but I can’t stop. Am I wrong?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum sister,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much pain. Verily, a broken heart takes much time and effort to heal. May Allah help you through this.

Is this guy worth it?

I believe, deep down, that your friend is right. Generally speaking, if you want to see whether you should continue to do what you are doing in life, look at how that thing started. Did this relationship start in a permissible way? What was your intention and his intention? Did he just want to use you for his pleasure? Did you just want to satisfy some immediate urges or get attention from a man? Why would you trust a man who betrayed you?

Tawbah

I believe you are truly sincere and want to follow your religion. The best recourse for you is first, tawbah. Turn to Allah in repentance for this relationship that you had with him and promise to never return to another one like it again. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return” [Ahmad].  Trust that.

Move on

Second, you should ask Allah to remove this person from your heart. You were with him four years ago, in an illicit fashion, and he is with someone else now, after betraying you. I don’t think he pines for you, as you do for him;  your effort is wrongly placed.

Instead of making du`a that he comes back to you, ask Allah to send someone better, perfectly suited for you in a permissible way. Instead of thinking about him, think about how you can become a better Muslim and busy yourself with that. It is truly a blessing that you are not with him now, and be grateful that you didn’t end up pregnant. Leave the past where it belongs.

Delete him from your contacts, and your social media. Learn your personal obligatory knowledge and apply it. Read some Qur`an every day with the meaning. Take up a healthy hobby or sport, exercise, get fresh air every day. Acquire skills that can help you with your future. Anytime he pops into your head, seeks refuge from the Devil, and bless the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace. And of course, keep the company of pious, righteous family and friends.

I pray that Allah sends you someone that can be a garment for you and you a garment for him.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.