Question: A guy proposed to me and I don’t like him because he has an anger issue. But my parents insisted, especially my mother. I was told to obey so I gave my consent and continued praying for khair. I did istikhara countlessly. He sent his father’s cousin and his boss to meet my dad, but not his uncle, whom my father knows very well. When my dad did see the uncle, he asked him why he didn’t come, the uncle said the boy isn’t a good person and my father shouldn’t give out his daughter to him. So my dad didn’t accept the proposal. Was my prayer accepted? Now my mom started saying that his uncle is envying him. I am scared now I can’t accept the proposal again.
Istikhara and its signs
Thank you for your question. When it comes to istikhara, one thing that is the most important is your gut feeling. I feel that you knew, deep down, that he was not right for you, so I commend you for following your heart. See these links:
Your prayer was answered
I feel that this situation gave you two signs that you should not marry him. First, your gut was right to tell you no, from what you know about his temper, and secondly, your father was given sound, fair, and honest advice from his uncle. This only confirms what you were feeling before. Assuming the worst of his uncle is not right or fair.
As for the future, please understand that you don’t need to obey your parents if they force you to accept a proposal. You are free to say yes or no, and you cannot be compelled to marry someone of their choosing, even if it upsets them. This is a God-given right and no one can take it away from you. Although children are expected to obey their parents and be good to them, it is not unconditional, especially if their choice of spouse is questionable.
May you continue to put your trust in Allah, as you did, and may you find the best spouse suited for you, where you dwell together in peace, tranquility with iman and taqwa.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.