Should She Stay In an Abusive Marriage?
Question: My friend has been married for seven years and has two daughters. She lives with her in-laws, and her husband and his family always insult her and fail to appreciate her while she does all the chores. Her husband does not pray, does not read the Qur’an, and does not fast Ramadan. He is involved with another woman, he hangs out and talks with girls, but he does not let his wife talk to her family. Her father has passed away.
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. It is heartbreaking to hear about your friend’s situation, and I pray that Allah resolves it for her and sends her a solution. Truly no one deserves to be treated this way.
The absolute best advice that I can offer for her marriage is here, please ask her to read it:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/how-do-i-deal-with-an-unhappy-marriage/
Speak Up
It might be common in your friend’s culture for a wife to remain silent while her husband runs amok and behaves waywardly, but it is wrong to accept the abuse. She must speak up and communicate with him. She must tell him that she hurt by his actions and that he must change. She should also be ready to listen to his complaints and agree to work on the marriage. She should inform him of her rights, among them to live separately from in-laws, and try to make him understand without getting angry.
Turn To Allah
I commend your friend for having patience and for staying in the marriage. I feel that Allah will truly reward her and that much good lie in wait for a person who puts their trust in Allah and is not quick to walk away. She should continue to pray, fast, read some Qur’an every day with the meaning and review her obligatory knowledge with free classes here at Seekers. She should ask Allah in the depth of the night to help her and she should pray the Prayer of Need.
Choice
A Muslimah is strong, devoted, loving, and kind but also firm and does not accept abuse. She must be an example for her children in this. Please tell her to take the course linked below on marriage with her husband if possible and apply the knowledge and tips that are taught. Perhaps a new chapter in her marriage will open from this.
Finally, she must know that if her husband is not willing to change and he continues the abuse, she might consider leaving him. This, however, requires thought, after much effort to learn and change, and after praying istikhara and should not be taken lightly. Allah does not ask for anyone to remain miserable without their rights except that there is a way out.
https://seekersguidance.org/courses/marriage-in-islam-practical-guidance-for-successful-marriage/
May Allah bless you and her with the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
