Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am a 27-year-old single guy. I have had homosexual feelings for a long time, which I have kept under control. But for the last two years, I am not able to do that. I understand it is totally wrong, but the feeling is growing stronger.
I am really worried about my faith. I have never discussed this issue before because of the fear of being judged. I need guidance and want to leave this, but I am not able to. Please save me from this Hellfire.
Thank you for your question.
Tackling homosexual feelings is no laughing matter, and you deserve all the support that you can get. Allah has truly favored you by blessing you with complete obedience and keeping you from committing a sin. That must seem like a mountain to climb, and I pray that Allah grants you even more strength until you marry.
Is there a Muslim counselor, upright scholar, trusted friend, or Muslim teacher that you can be open with? Being able to talk about your suffering while not being able to express it physically is a good step. You will recognize your own strength, and rest assured that your reward with Allah will be formidable, in Sha Allah. I do fear that if you do not find someone to talk to that your desires might turn into sin, so please seek out someone. You are welcome to ask more questions here.
Staying Away From Boys
It is not haram to be near men, even though you are attracted to them, but it would be wise and better for you to restrict any type of interaction that might arouse you. You say that you fear for your faith, but I believe that your faith is as strong as ever, as you have refused to act upon your feelings out of your love for Allah and His messenger. Please consider marriage soon because it will help in releasing your sexual frustration, even if different from what you desire.
Turn To Allah
Pray to Allah that He helps you reconcile these feelings and makes it easy for you to subdue them. I do not want you to marry living a life of multiple identities and then end up unhappy, adulterous, or even divorced. Express your pain through du’a and ask Allah to help you, guide you, and give you the very best outcome. Allah is always there to listen and loves to be asked. No condition is too difficult for Him to change, as long as you want to change it yourself.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “When half of the night or two-third of it is over. Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: ‘Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak.'” [Muslim]
May Allah reward you for your efforts and give you the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.