Secret Nikah

Question: I love a girl and we both have the same goal to get married and have a family according to Islam. We are both happy with each other but our parents say we are too young to marry.  We want to make Allah happy and help each other become better Muslims. Can we perform a nikah secretly so we don’t sin?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and disappointment at not being able to obtain your parent’s permission. I pray that you can all compromise in order to get what you want and keep away from sin.

No secret marriages

Having a secret marriage is a grave mistake and tremendously disrespectful to parents. It betrays their trust and shows dishonour and disrespect to the bride and her parents. It also is contrary to the Prophetic command of making marriages public and open. Please see these links for more details:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/can-i-marry-without-my-parents-consent-and-knowledge/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/valid-marry-secret/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/can-marry-secret-minimum-conditions-valid-marriage-order-avoid-fornication/

Do it the right way

If you really love this girl and love Allah and His Messenger, then I suggest that you not follow your lust, but take the clear and patient path. Speak to your parents about a plan of getting engaged, then having a nikah, and then moving in together. Tell them that you love them and will listen to them, but you pray that they understand your feelings as well. They probably do know that a son does not need the permission of his parents, but that he involves them out of respect and love.

Her parents also need to be convinced, since she cannot marry without their permission, and she should talk to them seriously about this. You should go to her home with your parents with a serious proposal that they cannot ignore and if they feel it is too early, they should lay out a plan for a marriage in the near future. Take the longer but honourable route instead of rushing into something secret that could end horribly.

Istikhara

Last, but not least, no big decision should ever be taken without praying istikhara. Reach out to your Lord to seek guidance on marrying this girl and put your feelings aside. Follow your istikhara and choose her for her religion, and in sha Allah, you will be successful. In the meanwhile, be sure that you both take a course on marriage to learn your rights and obligations. Never enter into a marriage contract without being fully prepared. I pray that Allah gives you the best in this world and the next.
https://seekersguidance.org/courses/marriage-in-islam-practical-guidance-for-successful-marriage/

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.