Can I Secretly Marry My Fiance of Seven Years to Avoid Sin?

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Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am a Muslim girl and have been engaged for a while to the man I love. We talk and meet and our parents are okay with that but to us, it feels wrong because we cannot resist each other. We have been physical a few times and repented but it’s getting difficult. Now I have three years of university left and our families are saying to wait for the nikah as it will cause distraction from studies. We have tried to get them to agree for us to marry in a year or two, but it’s in vain. We do not want to do zina. Can we get a secret nikah from our parents? He is financially capable.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and impatience and I pray that you can find an amicable solution where you can avoid sin and still please your parents.

No secret marriages
Having a secret marriage is tremendously disrespectful to parents as it betrays their trust. It is also contrary to the Prophetic command of making marriages public and open. However, I sympathize with your pain of a prolonged engagement and if you were to perform a secret nikah, it would be valid with the presence of two witnesses. But how would you avoid pregnancy? And what if he divorces you while you are secretly married? How might you explain that to your parents?

Please see these links for more details:


Do it the right way
If you really love each other and fear Allah, then I suggest that you not follow your lust, but sit your parents down and insist on a nikah. Convince his parents first, and then yours. Tell them that you can still delay moving in together. Tell them that you love them and will listen to them, but you pray that they understand your feelings as well. They probably do know that a son does not need the permission of his parents, but that he involves them out of respect and love.

Say this prophetic du`a daily:

يا حَـيُّ يا قَيّـومُ بِـرَحْمَـتِكِ أَسْتَـغـيث ،
أَصْلِـحْ لي شَـأْنـي كُلَّـه ،
وَلا تَكِلـني إِلى نَفْـسي طَـرْفَةَ عَـين

O Ever-Living One, O Eternal One, by Your mercy I call on You to set right all my affairs. Do not place me in charge of my soul even for the blinking of an eye. [Hakim-Hisn al Muslim]

Istikhara
Last, but not least, no big decision should ever be taken without praying istikhara. Reach out to your Lord to seek guidance on marrying secretly and put your feelings aside. Follow your istikhara, be logical, make du`a that Allah keeps you away from sin, and in sha Allah, you will be successful. In the meanwhile, be sure that you both take a course on marriage to learn your rights and obligations. Never enter into a marriage contract without being fully prepared. I pray that Allah gives you the best in this world and the next.

Please see these links as well:
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

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