How Should I Live My Life After Losing Custody of My Children?
Question: I am a divorcee, I have two boys that are 7 and 8 years old. The government gave custody to my ex-husband, as I was in a bad state financially and psychologically. They are being raised by his wife. She is a good Muslima, but it is heartbreaking for me. I do not understand. Should I work on myself to take them back which will take some time, or should I consider it as the decree of Allah and give my life to seeking knowledge, feeling some calling deep inside of me?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your heartbreak and cannot imagine how you must feel being separated from your children and no longer being an integral part of their lives.
Do Not Let Your Children Forget You
Right now, you do not need to focus on getting your children back. Instead, pray for them, send them gifts, make small things for them, and try to visit them regularly. You should not disappoint them and keep your appointments with them. Be a good Muslim role model for them and help them as much as you are able. Pray with them when you see them, and never backbite about their father to them. Really, the most important thing is to love them.
Get It Together
The most important thing for you is to focus on yourself. If you are struggling financially and psychologically, I want you to get better for your sake, the sake of Allah, for practising your religion, and for being healthy-minded. This is key to any balanced, happy, and healthy lifestyle. You cannot help someone until you help yourself first.
I want you to step back, look at your life, and make a list of goals. I want you to come up with a plan to become financially independent, either by getting a job and/or getting training while you work. Also, look at your religious life and make sure that everything is in order. Start with praying on time and learning your basic fiqh and how to recite the Qur’an correctly. These are all free courses available at SeekerGuidance. All you have to do is place Allah first on your list, and everything in your life with fall in order, even if it takes time.
Please see this link to help you put your problems in the right perspective:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/everything-going-wrong-life/
Du’a and Tawakkul
Never underestimate the power of dua. It is the door through which you speak to Allah and ask from your heart. Use it every day and get rid of bad, old habits one by one. Pray the Prayer of Need when you are down. Also, recite these du’as in particular:
https://seekersguidance.org/articles/general-artices/selected-prophetic-prayers-for-spiritual-physical-and-emotional-wellbeing-by-chaplain-ibrahim-long/
Allah, Most High, says, “And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He alone is sufficient for them.“ [Qur’an, 65:3]
May Allah facilitate your matters for you and give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
