Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Deep Listening and Positive Communication – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
This is the eighth and final of a series of articles based on the On-Demand Course Conflict Resolution in Marriage. This course delves into the Islamic guidance on resolving marital conflicts, drawing insights from the Quran, the Sunna of the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace), scholarly wisdom, and contemporary perspectives.
Understanding the Prophetic Approach
The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) was known for his profound ability to listen—not just to words, but to the hearts of those speaking. This deep level of listening is an essential skill that allows for meaningful communication and understanding.
Expressing Love Through Actions
Often, people struggle to articulate their emotions properly. For example, when Uncle Rabbani tells Uncle Chaudhary, “I’m upset with you, you haven’t called me for three years,” his words may seem negative. However, his heart is actually expressing love. The fact that he cares enough to be upset shows that he values their relationship.
Similarly, in a marriage, miscommunication often happens. If Zubair forgets an anniversary and Zubaira expresses her frustration by angrily greeting him with a frying pan at the door, her reaction—though exaggerated—is still a sign of love. If she did not care, she would not have been upset. Indifference, not anger, is the opposite of love. Understanding this helps us listen beyond words and recognize the deeper emotions behind people’s expressions.
The Importance of Small Gestures
Listening well also means appreciating small things. Simple words of kindness, such as complimenting a meal or inquiring about someone’s day, show that you care. Asking thoughtful questions—”What kind of tea is this?” or “Where did you get it from?”—makes people feel valued. These gestures are not just social formalities but signs of genuine care and concern.
Responding to Mockery and Sarcasm
When faced with frequent mockery or sarcasm, it’s important to reframe the situation positively. Instead of reacting emotionally, one can ask, “What can I do better?” This shifts the conversation toward constructive feedback. However, maintaining self-respect is equally important.
For instance, if Uncle Chaudhary repeatedly calls someone a nickname that hurts their feelings, a polite but firm response in private—such as, “Uncle, when you call me that, it hurts my feelings”—can be more effective than a confrontational reply. Choosing the right time and manner to address issues prevents unnecessary escalation.
Addressing Concerns with Wisdom
Sometimes, correcting a mistake requires tact. A story from Jordan illustrates this well. A young man had a pencil-thin beard, a style that was considered inappropriate in scholarly circles. Instead of directly criticizing him, a respected scholar gave him a small gift—a bottle of perfume—along with a folded article about the beard. The young man happily accepted the gift, read the article, and later changed his beard style on his own. This approach allowed for correction without embarrassment or conflict.
Seeking Guidance in Challenging Situations
When dealing with hostility or negativity, consulting others can be helpful. No one has to navigate difficulties alone. Seeking advice from knowledgeable and experienced individuals can provide clarity and support. Ultimately, we also turn to Allah Most High for steadfastness and success.
See Articles in this Series
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Reality of Marriage – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
- The Pillars of Marriage
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Insights from Sura Hujurat
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Wisdom, Fairness, and the Four Horsemen
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Building a Loving and Respectful Marriage
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: A Comprehensive Guide – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Importance of Addressing Harm in Relationships
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Deep Listening and Positive Communication
