Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat
This is a very embarrassing and disgusting question. I apologise in advance. I have a pornography addiction.
Recently it has become so bad that I ended up viewing a satanist woman. I felt that my heart was willing to commit this shirk in order to gain more pleasure. I tried to pull myself out and did, but feel that I have become a kafir because of the pleasure I felt and the kufr thoughts I had.
I’m really scared. I feel I’ve left the protection of al-Wali!
Turn Back To Allah – Immediately and Repeatedly
Do not fear, the doors of repentance are open. Turn back to Allah, repent from the sin and reaffirm your iman before Allah. You’ll find Allah forgiving and accepting.
Allah commanded His Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) to tell us this, “Say, [O Messenger] O My dear servants who excessively wronged themselves – do no despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed He forgives all sins! Truly, He is the All-Forgiving, Ever-Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
Think the best of Allah. Perhaps you have been afflicted with this so you can keep making tawba again, and again. Allah loves those who do this. [Quran, 2:222]
I will say, however, that the nature of what you saw is very problematic. Especially if it causes you to experience pleasure when this is anything negative or insulting about Allah or anything to do with Islam. Run from this as far and as fast as you can. You don’t want to jeopardize your iman.
Pornography addiction is, essentially, like any other addiction; it is worsened in this case by the Satanist element. Why are people addicted to things?
To put it simply, there is a deep wound or pain within which is unresolved, and in order to numb this pain people have to turn to something engrossing to keep their mind off it. Some people turn to food, others turn to alcohol, or drugs, or engrossing hobbies, etc.
The point is that their addictive drive is caused by something which can be resolved. The nature of this addiction depends on the situation someone is in. It is not a bad choice which can be beaten by willpower alone.
Look For a Solution
Firstly, I advise you to read ‘In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts’ by Dr Gabor Mate. This book will help you understand the situation. This will empower you with understanding, and give you empathy which you must direct towards yourself and others.
Ask Allah for help. This is essential. Have the best opinion of Him. This, too, is essential. Keep making tawba. This is crucial. It will help. Turn to Allah and express your human weakness and ask Him to help you get to a place where your deeds and state are pleasing to Him.
It may be that your situation and struggle are what takes you down the path that leads you to His pleasure. So see healing from this as your journey to His pleasure. It might take some time – but, as long as your goal is to reach a state of obedience to Allah, you’ll benefit.
Take Active Steps to Leave the Pornography
You should register with this site and take practical steps to dealing with your addiction. Practical steps are excellent, but they will not do much in the long-term if you don’t address the root cause of the problem.
This seminar will introduce you to the concept of therapy. You need to find a therapist and work with him. Only through healing from this will you be able to rid yourself of the addiction long-term.
I’d advise you to get a ‘dumb phone’ and ask people you know to help you avoid situations where you are likely to slip. Get help. Some burdens cannot be carried by yourself alone.
A Reader on Pornography and Masturbation
May Allah grant you a complete healing and protect you from all that is harmful for you. Amin.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History, he moved to Damascus in 2007, where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital. He was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.