Do I Have to Obey My Parents If They Tell Me to Do Something Disliked?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

My parents told me to get an impermissible haircut (qaza) even if I didn’t want to get it since it’s makruh. Am I sinning for disobeying them? Do I have to follow my parent’s orders when they told me to get a qadha haircut, or are any other things considered makruh?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

I pray you are well. Thank you for seeking guidance.

Our duty towards our parents is one of total respect and not having to obey them in wrongful matters. However, it has to be done with the deepest of respect and wisdom, being gentle and not harsh when speaking to them when one has to talk about something wrong or disliked, as we can be considered from two different cultures, mindsets, and generations.

Speak to them respectfully. Lower the wings of humility towards them in kindness and say, “Lord, have mercy on them, just as they cared for me when I was little.” [Quran, 23:4]

Some scholars think that if part of the hair is not completely shaved, the top is number 6,5,4, and the side is 4,3,2, for example, it will not fall under the prohibition. However, if one does it to imitate celebrities and sports stars as many do, it will be part of the prohibition.

I suggest you come to a compromise and not cut your hair in a qadha style/fade style; maybe cut it as I have mentioned above, and this way, you can please your parents. And for next time, you can work on your parents to allay their concerns with the deepest of wisdom and remind them about the importance of following the sunna hairstyle of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace).

Check these answers as well:
To What Extent Should I Obey My Mother? – SeekersGuidance
Is It Permissible to Get a Fade Haircut? – SeekersGuidance

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I pray this helps with your question.

[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally-trained scholar who has studied within UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan and Turkey.

He started his early education in UK. He went onto complete hifz of Qur’an in India, then enrolled into an Islamic seminary in UK where he studied the secular and Alimiyyah sciences. He then travelled to Karachi, Pakistan.

He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for a number of years. He has taught hifz of the Qur’an, Tajwid, Fiqh and many other Islamic sciences to both children and adults onsite and online extensively in UK and Ireland. He was teaching at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences.

He currently resides in UK with his wife. His personal interest is love of books and gardening.