Should I Marry despite My Homosexual Feelings, or Should I Abstain?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I have homosexual feelings, but I want to marry the opposite gender. I am scared I may not fulfill my wife’s physical desires, and it may end up in a quick divorce, causing me humiliation. What should I do? should I abstain from marriage? If I do refrain from marriage, will masturbation be permissible for me? I don’t know any free counselors either because I have financial difficulty. Could you connect me with someone relevant?
May Allah reward you for your sacrifice and pure intention to seek Allah’s good pleasure.
Many Muslims struggle with these feelings, so knows that you are not alone. Being unable to act on your emotions is no doubt a great test of faith, patience, and strength. I recommend that you take steps to attach yourself to Allah Most High and seek aid from Him. There is no problem Allah cannot solve, and there is nothing to be ashamed of if you have not acted upon these feelings.
Always keep this hadith in mind: Abu Qatadah (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Ahmad]
Shaykh Jamir mentions these tips for dealing with your feelings:
- Fasting or diminishing one’s food: This was the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) to those who cannot marry. Some people find, at first, that fasting increases sexual desire, but over time this should pass. Fasting two days a week, Mondays and Thursdays is sunna and a good start.
- Lessen the intake of certain foods such as dairy products and meat and increase the intake of vegetables and fish if possible.
- Exercise regularly with a mixture of strength and cardio.
- Keep busy and get involved in community activities and intellectual and artistic pursuits that one finds fulfilling.
- Keep close ties with family, if possible.
- Read Quran and make dhikr of Allah and blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) as much as one can, reflecting on the words being spoken. Turn your heart to Allah and ask Him daily to keep you patient and firm in the faith. Seek knowledge, even if slowly.
- Avoid any situations or media articles that discuss related issues, keeping the mind away from the subject, which keeps the heart and bodily limbs away.
- If one finds it difficult to control their desires and genuinely feels like they will fall into the unlawful. It is permissible, and perhaps even obligatory, for such a person to masturbate to release sexual energy and avoid falling into greater sin. However, when doing so, it would not be permissible to invoke unlawful thoughts to arouse one’s desire. [Tuhfat al-Muhtaj]
Check this link as well:
How Can a Muslim Deal With Homosexual Inclinations?
It is not true that one should abstain from marriage because of these feelings. One can still find great joy in the blessings of a wife and children, and feelings can improve over time. However, one would have to be committed to fulfilling one’s marital obligations well with patience and perseverance. Say this du’a when you are suffering:
اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَا أَنْتَ
“O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Please do not leave me to myself even in a blink of an eye. Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship except You.”
Please see these resources as well:
Purify Your Gaze
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.