What Can I Do about Misgivings about My Fights with My Wife?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel


My wife and I are well. But I keep having misgivings about all the fights at the beginning of my marriage which sometimes lead me to huge depression, and sometimes I cry because of these thoughts.

For example, I fought with my wife and told her, “I’m calling your mother and telling her some words that she becomes very sad.” As far as I know, I intended to tell my wife’s mother how angry I was with my wife’s behavior.

But then again, I get confused and get many misgivings of the statement/intention exactly.

What is the ruling on this? Please help me.


In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for seeking guidance.

These are obtrusive misgivings that are annoying you. It would be best to keep working on yourself and your mind to fight and ignore them. I understand it is probably what you are doing.

Rest assured. Your marriage is intact, and nothing of the past has affected your marriage. As you mentioned, you and your wife are on good terms; take this forward positively and forget about the past.

Change your routine and try to do things collectively with your wife and family by attending congregational prayers, circles of remembrance, and knowledge. Most importantly, pray to Allah Most High by performing the Prayer of Need (haja) to give you ease of mind, remove past thoughts, and have a clear and positive future with the family.

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I pray this helps with your question.
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally-trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.