Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
Can I check my husband’s phone for pornography, with the intention of confronting him with proofs, so that he will get help?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Abu Hurairah reported the Messenger of Allah (May peace be upon him) as saying: “Avoid suspicion for suspicion is the most lying form of talk. Do not be inquisitive about one another, or spy on one another.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]
Dear sister, it is not permissible for you to check for pornography on your husband’s phone. Confronting him with proof may not bring about the outcome you desire.
Your intentions are good, and I pray that Allah rewards you for that. Combine your good intentions with what Allah has made permissible. Speak frankly to your husband, and say that you want to help him overcome his pornography addiction. Even if he denies it, repeat that you are there for him.
Purify Your Gaze is an excellent resource for your husband. Please encourage him to reach out to them. If he is unwilling, then I suggest that you contact them, and ask for help.
Recovery from pornography and sex addiction is a journey that begins with repentance. Make your home one that is conducive to his repentance. Treat him with excellent character.
I encourage you perform the Prayer of Need in the last third of the night. Allah alone is the Turner of hearts. Never underestimate the power of dua.
I pray that Allah heals your husband and your marriage.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.