Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: I have a conflict I needed help with.
Recently, a friend of mine from converted to Islam. I have always liked him and I hoped one day he would accept Islam so we could consider being together and Allah heard my prayers. He is a very good man with very strong morals and recently he mentioned how he would like to marry me.
On one hand, I see this as an amazing opportunity to marry someone new to the religion who is striving to be a God pleasing man, and help him reach his goals. I think Allah has presented me with an amazing opportunity. He said he wants to marry me because he thinks my family is a good practicing Muslim family and he appreciates my dedication to my faith and he thinks it will help his journey and we both can learn in the process together how to please Allah better.
On the other hand, however, I am afraid and I wonder if it would be easier to just marry someone who is already established in the faith. I always imagined my husband guiding and helping ME be a better muslim and knowing more than me, not the other way. I know he will guide me to be a better muslim but I feel like it will be a challenge since he is so new to the faith.
I feel very conflicted. I see him as a very good man but I am afraid, what if I am not cut out to help someone be a better muslim? What if it is better for me to just find someone who is already very established in the religion who does not need my help? At the same time though, even though my friend is a new convert I think he deserves the stability of a strong muslim family (like mine Alhamdulillah).
I think Allah has presented me with such an amazing opportunity to not only serve Him but also help another fellow human being. But my mind worries and wonders if its better to just find an easier path.
What would you recommend?
Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
Consider giving him time to learn the religion and establish himself somewhat before thinking about marriage, particularly since you are both at college.
But in general, make sure you do your homework on him, finding out all you can, and ensuring that you are compatible with one another. Marriage is a big, serious step, and one of the greatest means of seeking Allah, yet unpreparedness can lead one to fall into sin.
And with that, pray the Prayer of Seeking Guidance (salat al-istikhara) [see: The Reality of Istikhara] and the Prayer of Need (salat al-hajah) [see: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?] regularly.
Consider taking: Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life and reading: Islamic Marriage by Ustadha Hedaya Hartford.
May Allah facilitate all success for you in this life and the next.
And Allah alone gives success.
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani