Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
Question: I have been happily married for nearly two years now. However we do not have any children. I wanted to have children straight away but my husband said we should wait a few years. I complied, but when brought it up some time later my husband got angry, and its been the same reaction ever since despite alot ot time elapsing. We both work, live with his parents, and have prrformed Hajj, and so there is nothing that should be stopping us. What should I do in this situation?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and their followers.
Thank you for your question. I pray you are doing well.
Ideally, this is a question that should be addressed before getting married.
The way to handle this is with a lot of sensitivity. Your husband obviously wants to spend more time with you, unfettered by the responsibility of children, so you should take that as a compliment.
At the same time, raising a righteous family is one of the purposes of marriage and something our beloved Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, encouraged his community to do.
Instead of raising the issue in a cursory way every six months, being brushed off, and then simmering in anger, you and your husband need to put everything out on the table. He needs to be open about his reluctance to have children and you need to be open about why this is so important to you.
I’m wondering if there are perhaps health concerns or financial concerns that are causing your husband to react this way.
My suggestion is to have this conversation in the presence of a licensed marriage counselor who can assist you to communicate with your husband in a way that will be honest, yet allay his fears. He will also need to be forthright about why he is feeling the way he is as well as be open to exploring your desires for a child.
May Allah reward you both,
Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
August 18, 2010/Ramadan 7, 1431
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani