Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: I noticed a sister in my college who came to pray every obligatory prayer during lecture breaks. I found it attractive. Since then, I started supplicating to Allah in this way:
“Ya Allah, I am impressed by this girl and if it is beneficial to me in my future, then grant me the chance to marry her.”
I have not talked about this to this girl and she also left the college. I have kept this a secret agreement between me and Allah. Is this correct?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Relying on Allah
Anas bin Malik narrated that a man said: “O Messenger of Allah! Shall I tie it [my camel] and rely upon Allah, or leave it loose and rely upon Allah?” He (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “Tie it and rely upon Allah.” [Tirmidhi]
Although your commitment to sincere dua is praiseworthy and beloved to Allah, you must follow it up with action.
Before even considering marriage, when registration reopens, please complete this course: Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. It is obligatory for you to learn this before you get married. You can save yourself so much heartache by learning what Allah expects from you and your future wife.
Prayer of Guidance
In addition to performing the Prayer of Need, please perform the Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times. Although praying her obligatory prayers on time is a beautiful quality, it is not enough for marriage to work. She could have very different values to you. Your personalities could clash.
Observe what Allah unfolds as you do your istikhara prayer. If He makes it easy to get in contact with her and she agrees to marriage talks, then this is a clear positive sign for you. If He makes it difficult for you to get in contact with her and blocks that doorway, then please move on.
Please speak to your trusted friends and to your family about contacting this young woman. She could already be married, or she could be not interested. It’s important for you not to romanticise the idea of her. She is a woman who prays, alhamdulilah, but she may have other qualities which may not be as pleasing to you. I urge you to stay as objective as possible, and approach marriage with a cool head and calm heart. Trust in the Decree of Allah. If Allah has written her to be your wife, then it will happen. If He has not, then inshaAllah He has someone better in store for you.
I pray that Allah grants you the gift of a righteous wife, pious children, and success in this life and the next.
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani