Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I did not use to practice Islam, but have since changed my ways and want to make good on my Islam. I am having marriage talks with someone who is culturally Muslim, but does not practice.
My aunt and uncle, practising Muslims, advised against me marrying him. People around me are advising me to marry the person despite his lack of faith saying that I wasn’t a practicing Muslim before either. What should I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive me for the delay.
Please listen to the advice of your aunt and uncle. They know you, love you, and understand the importance of prioritising Islam.
If you are practising the deen, then it is not enough for you to marry someone who only has good character. Please don’t make the mistake that he may change after marriage. He most likely will not. Only marry someone whom you are already happy with, as he is. I strongly encourage you to read Before You Tie the Knot: A Guide for Couples.
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah was asked about that for which people are admitted into Paradise the most, so he said: “Taqwa of Allah, and good character.” And he was asked about that for which people are admitted into the Fire the most, and he said: ” The mouth and the private parts.” [Tirmidhi]
It is better for you to marry someone who has both practice of the deen and good character. Marriage is the beginning of a lifelong partnership that can stretch to Paradise too, inshaAllah. Who you marry will also determine what kind of father you will have for your children.
I pray that Allah blesses you with the gift of a husband who has both deen and good character.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.