Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I want to be grateful to Allah and love Him and also fear Him. But I keep sinning, which leads me to become so angry at myself and the world.
I am only 18 and have sinned more than an old man. I’ve dropped out of highschool and don’t work.
I also have terrible mood swings. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. Please forgive me for the delay
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that The Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “Whoever wishes that Allah would respond to him during hardship and grief, then let him supplicate plentifully when at ease.” [Tirmidhi]
Dear questioner, it sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Please don’t lose hope in Allah’s Mercy. He knows how much you are suffering, and He listens to your duas. The fact that you feel so remorseful is already a good sign; you have a heart which cares about Allah.
Although may not see your duas being answered right away, trust in Allah’s Wisdom for you. He knows you, better than anything and anyone else in the whole of creation. There is always wisdom in what He withholds, and what He chooses to give.
“And seek the Forgiveness of Allah, certainly, Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Qur’an, 4:106]
Every human being sins. Only the Prophets (upon them be blessings and peace) were Divinely protected from sin. So please keep repenting, for the rest of your life.
That being said, do your best to avoid making the same mistakes. What company do you keep? How halal is your income? What kind of food and drinks are you consuming? How do you spend your time?
Do you have any support around you? Do you have the love and support of family and friends? We are social creatures, and our spiritual states can be either elevated or reduced depending on you we are around. Being too isolated is not healthy, nor is being surrounded by people all the time. The key is balance, as always.
I am concerned about the mood swings you have described. Does your family have a history of mental illness? I know that there is a lot of stigma attached to mental illness, but please do not feel ashamed. You can get help and when your mental state is sound, you will be a much better worshipper, inshaAllah. Consistency in worship is difficult when you are plagued by mood swings.
Zubair bin ‘Awwam (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “It is far better for you to take your rope, go to the mountain, (cut some firewood) carry it on your back, and sell it and thereby save your face than begging from people whether they give you or refuse.” [Bukhari]
It is better for you to either continue study or begin working. Having too much time on your hands can contribute to your emotional stress. Is there a guidance counsellor you can speak to?
1) See a your doctor, get a blood test and a mental health screening. Consider medication if there is a need for it.
2) See a psychologist or a culturally-sensitive counsellor to help you manage your mood swings
3) Decide what to do in terms of your study/career.
4) Keep up your obligatory acts of worship such as prayer.
5) When you are consistent in your obligatory acts of worship, add your supererogatory acts of worship such as fasting on Mondays and Thursdays.
6) When registration reopens, please sign up to a fiqh course on SeekersHub so that you can learn your personally obligatory knowledge.
7) Perform the Prayer of Need every day and ask Allah to help you.
Right now, it may feel like your pain will never end. Trust that with Allah’s help, anything is possible. I pray that one day, you will look back at your younger self and make shukr that Allah guided you to a better place.
I pray that Allah grants you guidance, healing, and a good opinion of Him.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.