Etiquette of Marriage

Following Istikhara in Pursuing Marriage

Answered by Dr. Bano Murtuja

Question: Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatulla wa barakahtu,

There is a brother I was interested in marrying so I performed istikhara. He started to express interest and then he suddenly stopped. Another brother I know proposed to me for marriage.  I confessed my feelings to the first brother who responded that he sees me as a sister. I performed Istikhara about whether I should marry the brother who proposed and I dreamt of the first brother. I am unsure what to do. I am torn between being realistic and a pressing feeling that Allah has ordained something else for me.


Answer: Wa’laikum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu Dear Sister,

I pray this finds you in the best of health and states.

Who we choose to marry is a difficult decision In making the decision, one should look to that which is best for one in deen and duniya – both during the process of finding a partner and the qualities in the other person.

The istikhara dua asks the All Loving to make easy for you that which is best for you in this life and the hereafter and to remove it from you if it is not. Thus the answer to the istikhara is your inclination towards which decision will be best in your deen and dunya, short and long term, directly and indirectly.

You can listen to a detailed account of the istikhara here: The Reality of Istikhara

If one feels that their inclination is towards that which will be best in deen and duniya then one should strive to ensure the process is in accordance to the dictates of Divine guidance.

As you have expressed your position to the brother towards whom you feel inclined, you should distance your self from the friendship that can be compromising, and make dua that if it is meant to be, Allah (Exalted be He) turn the heart of the brother toward this matter. Ultimately, only that which has been ordained will be.

May you be granted ease and facilitation in all your affairs.




Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered in this comprehensive reader.

Cover photo by Azlan DuPree.