How Do I Get Over Feelings for Someone Who Got Engaged to Someone Else?

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq

Question: I fell in love, and don’t know how to get out of it. He’s Muslim and engaged now, but he showed interest in my before his engagement.  Now he’s backing off, but I still have strong feelings for him.  I don’t know how to let go. I end up getting dreams/nightmares about me and him either being married, or me and him getting into terrible car accidents. I don’t know how to get out of this, and don’t know what these dreams mean. Please help.

Answer: Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and all who follow them.

Dear Sister,

Assalamu alaikum,

Thank you for your question. I pray you are in good health and iman.

The process you are going through right now is painful, but in the end, insha’Allah, you will emerge stronger.

If this brother really cared about your well-being and believed you had a future together, he would have proposed marriage to you. By becoming engaged to someone else, he is demonstrating that he is not worthy of your consideration. He has made his decision, so let him go in peace.

As to your dreams, make sure that you sleep on ablution and prayer every night. Read some Qur’an, particularly the Refuging Verses (the last three chapters of the Qur’an) every night.

And ask Allah to grant a righteous spouse:

“Our Lord! Grant unto us mates and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” Al-Furqan (The Criterion) [25:74]

Finally, find something that will add value to your life so that you’re not wasting precious time pining over someone who is unattainable. Find a way to serve someone in need. And do what you need to lift yourself up spiritually.

May Allah Ta’ala grant you ease,

Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
June 10, 2011/Rajab 9, 1432